If you’re like most folks, you’re at home on quarantine right now. So, you might be spending a lot of time peeking out of your windows, watching your neighbors. If so, here’s a handy guide so that you can tell if your neighbors are ALIENS!
Many top scientists believe that aliens live secretly among us. The sneaky intergalactic travelers often pose as our friends, neighbors and co-workers while they learn the ways of Earth. But how can you tell invading aliens from real humans?
Weekly World News has interviewed dozens of experts and conducted exhaustive research to bring you this list of the top twelve ways to recognize aliens in your neighborhood.
WHAT TO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR:
1 Aliens often wear huge sunglasses to hide their eyes. Most aliens have large, staring eyes that are hard to conceal. Sunglasses help them appear more normal.
2 Aliens have cold and clammy skin. Many aliens wear synthetic skin in order to pass themselves off as human. It’s never as warm as real skin, and it often feels “slimy” to the touch.
3. Aliens light bright lights! You see bright flashing lights from their house in the middle of the night. Yeah, most people don’t have that many parties, especially on lockdown.
4. Aliens smell. Aliens use all manner of deodorants, perfumes, or lotions to disguise their natural scent, which is offensive to humans.
5. Aliens are obsessed with technology. They spend hours chatting on cell phones and sending e-mails. But they’re not conversing with people — they are actually transmitting data they’ve accumulated back to their home planet.
5 Aliens have strange bodily proportions. The newest breeds of aliens attempt to imitate human appearance — but they never quite get it right. They are like exaggerated ideas of human perfection. Their stomachs are too flat, their chests too big, their faces wrinkle-free.
6 Aliens have strange diets. Aliens may not be able to digest most human foods. Because of this, they are limited in the types of foods they can eat, and they may become vegetarians. Watch out for people who eat a lot of melons — that’s an alien favorite.
AND DON’T FORGET:
7. Alien lawn Mowing. They make crop circles when they mow their lawn! We still don’t know what these things mean but if you see them trimming circles in the grass, they are aliens.
8 Aliens dance in inhuman ways. Most alien species have a completely different physiology than ours. They have the ability to move their bodies to music in a way no ordinary human can, and this results in a Dancing style that is quite breathtaking.
9. Aliens have a hat problem. Unable to wear hats due to large craniums. Longtime WWN readers have seen the pictures of the evil Gootans and the peaceful Zeebans… they got big heads!
10 Aliens dress in oddly revealing clothes. Aliens find clothing irritates their flesh, so the less of it they wear, the more comfortable they are. They also like to keep their fake human skin exposed to air, to allow it to breathe.
10 Aliens ask hundreds of questions. Aliens are on Earth for research, and they want to learn as much as possible about Earthlings. They’re like alien anthropologists, fascinated by human behavior and eager to study our culture. So keep your eyes open for any people asking a lot of nosy questions.
We hope that this list helps. These are trying times, we need to know who is from Earth and who isn’t. If you think your neighbors are aliens, don’t confront them. Call the local neighborhood watch and let them do it. Unless the aliens are the neighborhood watch, then contact the authorities.