LOS ANGELES, CA – Lindsay Lohan reported this week that a series of incendiary Twitter posts were not made by her, they were made by her doppelganger that is out to get her.
Over a series of posts to her Twitter account, Lindsay Lohan angered several of her celebrity friends. Lohan immediately shot back that she would never say such things, and certainly not post them in a public forum. At first she believed this was merely the work of a lone hacker. Now she believes that it is the calculating work of a doppelganger, set on destroying her.
This theory also explains some of Lohan’s more extreme behavior over the past few years. When compromising pictures of Lohan were published and she claimed to have no memory of doing such things, the public and Lindsay herself simply attributed it to her excessive substance abuse. Now it appears that this was the work of an evil double out to destroy her character and career.
Last night the assailant made a mistake, and Lindsay spotted her evil look-alike outside a popular club in New York City. The doppelganger tried to slip away, but Lindsay ran up and grabbed her. Lohan seemed shocked to see someone who looked exactly like her, only darker and more evil. A fight quickly broke out between the two.
Unfortunately for Lohan, her other self appeared to know kung fu. Refusing to admit defeat, Lindsay kept getting back up and talking trash despite receiving several strong blows to the head. Eventually the doppelganger ran into a waiting Escalade and disappeared into the night. Lindsay had to be helped up to her car by several strangers and received 4 stitches to the back of her head at a private clinic.
Lohan is now making sure that all of her friends and business associates know she has an evil doppelganger that is out to take over her life. Whether this is a doppelganger or a long-lost evil twin remains unclear. Some film experts are investigating Lohan’s early movie The Parent Trap to see if that was actually trick photography that was used, or if Lindsay really has a twin that was left behind and forgotten.
If you are being harassed by your doppelganger, take no immediate action and call the police immediately. Further helpful information can be found on the government’s website fbi.gov/eviltwins.