NEW YORK, NY – NHL commissioner Gary Bettman refuted claims today that hockey will not contract its league, despite current economic woes.
“I know there are reports that 11 of our 30 franchises, lost money last year”, said Bettman. “But honestly, we thought that number would be closer to 20, so we take that as a positive”.
Long ridiculed by hockey fanatics, for his lack of marketing and PR prowess, or understanding of the game itself, Gary is now being hailed by some as one of the few sports commissioners who situated his league well for an economic recession.
Said sports business analyst Chip McDuffie of the Wall Street Journal, “By having such a horrific TV contract, low ratings, and slow growth rate nationwide, Gary has positioned hockey so poorly, they really haven’t been hit by a weakened economy. Hard to lose market share when you don’t have much”. This columnist agrees. “Plus”, continued McDuffie, “at least Gary is taking chances. It’s easy to not contract. But I love where he’s actually thinking about expanding the sport”.
“We want to put a team on the moon by 2010”, brags Bettman. “Think about it. We won’t have to share viewership with the other leagues. Space is cold, which works for quality ice. And think of all the cool team nickname possibilities.”
What about travel, one reporter asked Bettman? Said the Commish, “I think that’s an issue, sure, but a workable one.”
In this humble reporters opinion, Gary Bettman is a genius. Just not a smart one.