NORTH CAROLINA - Colleges across America are telling their students: Vote Democrat or be expelled.
News broke today that students at staff at Winston-Salem State University in North Carolina received official emails from the University encouraging them to vote Democratic in this November’s midterm elections. But students at the University also received a follow-up email that told students that if they did NOT vote democrat they would be expelled.
How would they know?
“The university expects the votes counted on polling stations on the university campus to be 100% for democratic candidates. If there are any Republican votes, we will find out who those students were who voted the wrong way and those students will be expelled.”
This is the first blatant case of Voter Intimidation in modern history. The Justice Department was swift to respond to these allegations. “We are going to start a committee to look into whether we should open an investigation into the matter. We hope to have this resolved by 2013.”
Meanwhile, reports have come in from colleges across America that university presidents have formed a pact to ensure that all college students in America vote Democrat. “We decided that it is the best interests of our young people that they all vote for Democratic candidates. The Tea Party has had a negative effect on Democratic policies and we want to give the Democrats a little help in keeping “sanity” in our country,” said Brown president Gregory Hayes.
Republicans are outraged. “We’ve long known that colleges were indoctrinating our students,” said RNC Chairman Michael Steele. “But now they are crossing the line and committing voter fraud.”
“Typical Republicans. Always whining about something,” said Howard Dean, former Chairman of the DNC. “Colleges are advanced institutions of learning. They students are free to choose. They can either pursue their degree or go out into the job force and try to get work. It’s all about freedom.”
President Obama weighed in on the issue: “We have to strike back at the Empire striking back. And if college presidents want to set up a policy to help their students become better citizens, then I’m all for it.”
The New Black Panther Party has volunteered to help colleges across the country enforce the “Vote Democrat or Be Expelled” policy.
And you thought it was going to be a Republican landslide??