WASHINGTON, DC – Yesterday freshman Congressman Griffith announced he will be leaving the Democratic party and joining the Republicans.
In front of a small press conference, Griffith announced “he believes our nation is at a crossroads and can no longer align himself with a party that hurts our country, hurts our economy, and sucks at beer pong.” No reporters at the event questioned why Griffith was talking about himself in the third person. He was also wearing white skull face paint and a top hat, which no one bothered to ask about.
Voodoo is believed to be at the heart of Parker Griffith’s party change. People close to him have reported that drastic changes in his personality, including referring to himself in the third person, all started when he received a mysterious package in the mail. The package contained a small charm; upon wearing it, Griffith began acting differently. Aside from the top hat and chain smoking cigars, the most notable change has been the announcement of his change in political parties.
Since falling from power, Republicans have been voracious to regain political muscle. The GOP has gone to any length to debilitate the Democratic “Super Majority.” They even reached out and told Joe Lieberman he was “cool” to acquire his support. Lieberman has not taken off his leather jacket since. Enlisting the forces of Voodoo to sway Democrats to their cause would be little sacrifice compared to spending time with Lieberman.
This would not be the first time Voodoo has worked its way into the US Congress. During the Reconstruction, Georgia Congressman Danforth Seward went before Congress to speak in favor of northern policies. His speech was interrupted by what appeared to be several stabbing pains before his genitals suddenly caught fire. A lower Louisiana district elected a Zombie into congress in 1813, who was re-elected in 1817 and 1832.