CHICAGO – If your husband is useless, it may not be his fault, a top sociologist says. He may just be a moron.
Sociologist Dr. Alberto Mireno, from Madrid, says a surprising number of men cannot comprehend the labels on ordinary household cleansers and don’t know how to satisfy their woman in the bedroom. They cannot understand how to cook and they don’t know how to make love.
“Too many women accuse their men of being lazy or boring when what’s really going on is that they’re mental midgets,” says Dr. Mireno, a visiting professor at Dartmouth College. “I think if women understood that, they’d get along better with their partners.”
Dr. Mireno based his conclusions on interviews with more than 1,900 married American men. Tests revealed that 41 percent of the men were so dumb that they were incapable of doing household chores. Another 67 percent failed a basic female anatomy test.
He agreed to share some of his test questions with women so they can quiz their men. Husbands who miss four or more of the questions below should be considered, Dr. Mireno says, because they’re too stupid:
1. YELLOWED AND STAINED CLOTHING can be brightened by washing with a) Tile cleaner b) Bleach c) Lighter fluid.
2. THREE POUNDS of chicken liver at $1.30 a pound would cost: a) $3.90 b) $0.39 c) $2.67 d) All of the above.
3. A CLITORIS is a) Cough syrup b) Name for a woman’s breast nipple c) Female erectile organ
4. MILK AND BUTTER can be found in this section of the supermarket: a) Canned goods aisle b) Produce section c) Meat department d) None of the above.
5. FOREPLAY means a) Watching internet porn b) Intimate psychological and physical acts c) Drinking beer
6. SWIFFER an CLOROX are brand names for: a) Cookies b) Cleaning supplies c) Sugar-coated cereals.
7, POLYESTER is a) Type of fabric b) A famous cookbook author c) A greaseless vegetable oil d) None of the above.
8. NUTRITION is a) The green mold that grows inside a refrigerator b) A chemical that makes laundry soft and fluffy c) A yeast used to make bread rise d) none of the above e) A and B
9. THE G-SPOT is a) In the kitchen, b) In the bathroom c) In your woman d) None of the above.
10. PREMATURE EJACULATION is a) When you masturbate before sex b) When your partner is satisfied first c) When you only last two seconds. d) All of the above
Correct answers (men): if you have to ask, you’ll never know.