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BLOOMBERG BANS ALCOHOL IN NYC

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Mayor Michael Bloomberg and city officials unveiled a new initiative to ban alcohol in New York City.

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Mayor Bloomberg feels that alcohol is a major factor in crimes committed in New York City and a major cause of obesity.  “For those two reason, among many others, we are going to institute a ban on alcohol in New York City.”

The ban that Bloomberg wants will cover all alcohol, except for beer.  “The Mayor likes to drink a beer or two every week, so he is going allow New Yorkers to drink beer,” a spokesperson for the Mayor said.

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Critics feel that the move would unnecessarily hurt poor and lonely New Yorkers who turn to alcohol for comfort – according to the Mayor’s office.  The biggest backlash appears to be from the “society crowd” that is refusing to give up their wine.

“From my cold, dead hands,” said wine enthusiast Dooley McCarron of Tudor City.  “I will not give up my wine.”

The Mayor anticipates fierce opposition to his ban, but like his ban on big gulps, and prescription painkillers, the Mayor feels that New Yorkers will ultimately accept his new rules.  “I am doing this for everyone’s benefit.  I know what’s best for New Yorkers and eventually they will all agree with me,” the Mayor reportedly said.

He celebrated his final drink of alcohol with his pal, Joy Behar, last week.

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The Mayor told WWN that his ban on alcohol will make New York City a much healthier and happier place.

“We talk about drugs, heroin and crack and marijuana, this is one of the big outbursts–and it’s a lot worse around the country than it is here. It’s kids and adults drinking alcohol for entertainment purposes, or whatever field of purposes.  Alcohol is worst than many drugs and it’s time that we ban it.  Prohibition didn’t work in the 1920s because it was not handled properly.  We will enforce the ban and we will not allow any black market in alcohol to exist in this city,” the Mayor reportedly said.

A number of liquor store owners, however, told WWN that there are also a number of New Yorkers planning on selling Manhattan Moonshine.  “You can not keep New Yorkers away from booze.  It’s impossible,” said a liquor store owner on the Lower East Side.

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