MONTGOMERY, AL – After allegations of false advertising, further investigation causes Taco Bell to close its doors for good.
Taco Bell, the pseudo Mexican restaurant popular among college students, poor people, those without taste buds, and individuals with bad taste in general, has recently been put on the stand for allegations regarding false advertisement.
On Friday, the law firm of Beasley, Allen, Crow, Methvin, Portis, Miles and another partner whose name no one can spell or pronounce, filed a law suit against the Mexican wannabe claiming that the meat mixture contains too many fillers and binders to be labeled as beef.
The majority of the time the meat mix is doused with so much cheese, salsa, and sour cream it is a wonder that anyone could tell it was beef flavored, much less question the authenticity of the meat itself.
Weekly Would News knew that these allegations could only be just the tip of the iceberg so we sent our crack team of reporters to the streets to find out what else could be behind these allegations.
It did not take long for our team to discover that the meat that Taco Bell uses for its beef based products is imported from China. This set off a myriad of bells and whistles on our end so we asked our Japanese WWN affiliates to check out the Kuang Ren factory in the Zhejiang province where the beef is packaged. Within hours our Japanese colleagues were back in touch with a shocking discovery, the so called beef is actually cat and dog meat.
We all know that that the Chinese have been known to eat cat and dog meat but we never thought that they would have the cajones to import the goods to the US. Taco Bell would not return our phone calls, which leads us to believe that this must be true.
Upon the discovery of the news, we immediately did the right thing and informed the FDA. The FDA has since mandated that all Taco Bells must be closed forever. So go get as many doggy burritos and kitty fajitas as you can before they are gone for good.