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MOUNT ETNA ERUPTS


SICILY  – Mount Etna erupted last night, killing the leader of the biggest Mafia family in Italy.

Italy’s Mount Etna has come back to life with a massive eruption that sent lava down its slopes  nto neighboring towns and sent a large plume of ash into the sky, closing airports in five countries.

The volcanology institute in Catania, eastern Sicily, said Thursday that a five-hour eruption overnight sent a gigantic stream of lava down the eastern slope of the mountain.

Two hundred people died, including the leader of the largest Sicilian Mafia family, Bernardo Provenzano.

Provenzano was drinking limoncello with his “family” in a cafe in Catania.   His bodyguards didn’t act fast enough to save the mafia don.  When they finally saw the lava seeping into the cafe, they apparently starting shooting and swinging baseball bats at the lava, trying to scare away the lava, but that didn’t work.

The mafia dons and the baseball bats were all incinerated by the lava.

Some in Italy are speculating that the Italian government dropped bio-volcanic chemicals into the volcano to force an eruption. “They haven’t been able to stop the Mafia in sixty years, so they resorted to drastic measures to rid the country of its most notorious gangster.

Silvio Berlusconi is already taking credit for the “volcanic hit” on the Mafia.  “This is a great day for Italy.”

The fact that one hundred and fifty innocent civilians were also killed and that there is now major volcanic plume over Europe and the Middle East, doesn’t seem to bother Berlusconi.

And the fact that there are reported rumors that Berlusconi is in bed with another Mafia family in Naples, hasn’t stopped the President from making bold claims.  “We will completely wipe out the Sicilian Mafia once and for all,” said Berlucsoni.  “Even if we have to erupt a volcano every day!”

Etna is Europe’s most active volcano. Its last major eruption was in 1992.