ORLANDO, FL – Tiger Woods refuses to give details about crashing his car and the injuries he received over the weekend. But investigation shows he was beat up by his half-alien wife!
Evidence is pointing towards Tiger Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, as being the assailant in Tiger’s weekend scandal. Nordegren is believed to be half-alien; able to maintain human form most of the time, but reverting to an extraterrestrial form when she becomes emotionally upset. One eyewitness, Jarius Adams, claims to have seen a large monster with blonde hair and wearing a bra assaulting Tiger. His family lawyer will be making a statement later today.
Investigators believe that Tiger and Nordegren got into a heated arguement. Rumors have circulated that Nordegren confronted Woods about the affair he is allegedly having but that remains unclear. Whatever the topic of their discussion Nordegren became angry enough to take on her alien form, and Woods ran for his life!
Woods attempted to flee the scene in his Escalade. The eyewitness says that Nordegren, now 7′ tall and vaguely reptilian in appearance, took hold of the car to prevent it from leaving. Forensic evidence confirms the eyewitness reports that she lifted the car with Tiger Woods in it, and threw it into the nearby tree and fire hydrant. The hulking Nordegren then took Woods out of the car to slap him around some more before police finally showed up.
Tiger Woods is, understandably, remaining closed lipped on the issue. He refuses to give authorities any details or press charges over what happened, and vehemently denies that it might be out of fear of reprisal from his wife. Elin Nordegren has yet to be charged with any wrongdoing. However Tiger Woods will be making a statement to the public later so that may change.