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TOP 5 ALIEN PAINTINGS


Mygar, the most respected art critic this side of the Milky Way, presents the top 5 paintings of our galaxy.

Greeting and salutations, sentients.  This is Mygar, intergalactically renowned art critic and historian.  For the edification of all lifeforms, I have agreed to present and offer critique of five of the universe’s greatest works of art.  For the purposes of clarity and brevity I have limited my selection to classical portraiture that exists in only two dimensions.

Here we see the sad portrait of Queen Ravnith the Exile by Wurnesh.  As the legend goes, after losing her crown she was forced to flee her homeworld and live in hiding among the humans of earth.  Wurnesh has captured the frail hideousness of the skin she hides in, and the longing to be a beautiful queen again.  A bittersweet tragedy told in pastels.

Portrait of Cardinal ACK by Lrrrm.  For centuries, art historians have hinted at a possible affair between the artist and subject of this portrait.  Recently uncovered documents have confirmed our suspicions of an illicit affair between the poor artist Lrrrm and Cardinal of the Martian Orthodox Church ACK.  The soft and loving contours of the face hint at a side of ACK only the artist saw.  There is a twinkle in his eyes that he gave only when looking at the artist.  Lrrrm captured a grand and loving portrait of a Cardinal that only he knew.

The Virgin of Ryleth by an unknown painter.  So grand is this portrait of the 14th century matriarch of Ryleth that it has been copied and imitated on countless planets, but never duplicated.  She was a famously harsh mistress; as beautiful as she was ruthless.  For millenia, she held sway in the court of the Old Ones and this portrait captures her authority wonderfully.  It is said that after staring too long into her face the artist went mad.  His mind was a fitting tribute to this lovely lady.

Lavinia with Balthazam by Zpango.  Zpango many times touched on his hybrid heritage; in countless subjects, he explored the emotions of being a part-alien raised among humans.  Nowhere is the sweetness of his experience captured more vividly than in this painting.  It is his wistful recollection of his mother’s love, next to his innocently happy self.  The artist was killed by a mob shortly after completion of this painting, making this piece all the more precious.

One of the few surviving pictures of Queen Hatshepsut the First.  Often attributed to starting human civilization, Hatshepsut first taught humans about math and agriculture in exchange for their worship of her as a goddess.  The ungrateful citizenry eventually rebelled, using the language and writing she gave them, and attacked her while she was bathing in the blood of their firstborns.  Hatshepsut has since been canonized as a saint in several intergalactic faiths.

This concludes our refresher in some of the universe’s most treasured pieces of art.  Next time I will be dissecting the graffiti art of crop circles. As always, your humble servant, Mygar.

[Images courtesy of FreakingNews.com]