Washington, DC – Top government officials have confirmed that after 2025 years of naming years one after another, what has started out as 2026 will be renamed YEAR 1.
Ed Figuera, head of the Dept. of Government Chronology said, “Every year billions of people around the world gather in public and count down the ending of the current year and explode into rapturous glee to welcome the New Year, because the year ending has been so totally rotten.
“And then what happens? The next year is invariably worse. And at the end of THAT year everybody celebrates and welcomes in the next year, which is worse still. It makes no sense.”
To emphasize the point, Figuera added, “It’s like escaping the electric chair and celebrating that you’re going to be drawn and quartered.”
Sarah Burke, chairwoman of the A-COUNTING Dept., chimed in. “So we decided, ‘Enough is enough.’ Let’s just start all over again, from the beginning.”
When asked what will happen to the history of the past 2025 years, Burke waved her hand dismissively. “Bygones.”
The one remaining sticking point is what to replace “AD” with. Figuera said that the Dept. of Government Chronology favored “AT” – as in “After Trump” but that the president objected, and insists it be dubbed “DT” which stands both for “Donald Trump” and “During Trump.”
“Trump bristled “There is no ‘after Trump.’ I’m here to stay’” Burke confirmed.
Figuera said that whichever acronym is chosen, the whole world will win.
“We had a good run for 2025 years. But we’re past due for a NEW year. Year 1.”
