SPEED PREGNANCY!

Trenton, NJ – As women spend more time pursuing careers, many still find motherhood appealing. But pregnancy can be inconvenient. Fortunately, 54-year-old OB-GYN Dr. Adya Patel has a solution.

“It’s called Rapid Birth Technique,” said Dr. Patel.   “RBT is based on a series of Indian meditations and exercises that are normally used to enhance the immune system of a fetus. But I’ve modified them to promote rapid growth instead.”

DR. ADYA PATEL

RAPID BIRTH TECHNIQUE

According to Dr. Patel, when RBT is performed properly, an expectant mother can give birth as soon as a month after conception.

“Once a day preferably in the morning, the mother focuses all her meditative power on the fetus,” said Dr. Patel. “This accelerates growth hormones and allows it to develop far more quickly.  Since the process places a strain on the mother’s body, she must be willing to adhere to a specific nutrient-rich diet. And she also needs to avoid excessive physical exertion.

“All the mother’s energy must be directed to her unborn child.”

Dr. Patel has delivered dozens of RBT babies since 2017.

“It was the most strenuous month of my life.” said criminal attorney Rachel Hopper.

“It’s not surprising. because I crammed nine months of gestation into a few weeks. My body – not to mention my clothes – was making serious adjustments on a daily basis.  It was definitely worth it.”

“YOU MAKE IT, WE BAKE IT”

“RBT was perfect for me,” said model Kathy Nichols. “I couldn’t afford to be out of the game for nine months and I’m not famous enough for people to want to see me posing pregnant – yet. Maybe for baby number two or three.”

However, many women areA outraged by this technique.

“It’s not natural,” said natural birth activist Gale Clark.

“Motherhood requires patience and time for a reason.  So, RBT allows parents time to get used to the idea of having a new person in their lives. It allows them to prepare for her or his arrival. And finally, it allows them to truly appreciate the wonder of birth. This new technique devalues parenthood by making it quick.

THE TECHNIQUE WORKS!

Ms. Clark is totally misguided,” said Dr. Patel. “This is because the parent-child bonding is concentrated, intense, and valuable.  Let me ask you. is a sip of wine less worthwhile because it lasts moments instead of hours?  No. What matters is the attention we give to the experience.”

The RBT mothers all seem pleased with the technique. There is at least one father who is also pleased.

“I got on board from the start,” said John Horton, who already has two non-RBT children. “I’m interested in any technique – that gets a kid out of the house eight months faster.” 

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