Gourmet Fench restaurants in New Orleans and Houston are knocking the competition dead – because all their waiters are zombies!
Decked out in elegant waiter attire, the eerily listless creatures carry out their duties quietly and efficiently. The zombie waiters are the most hard-working employees at the trendy Camille’s Restaurant in the French Quarter.
“They work for peanuts. The zombie waiters never argue or complain about the working conditions, minimum wage or tips. Most zombie waiters will work as many shifts in a row as you want without whining about aching feet. They are ideal employees,” declares manager Michel Augustine.
“What’s more, tourists love it. Many come to the French Quarter (and to our sister restaurant in Houston) hoping to catch a glimpse of zombies. They are disappointed when they see none – it’s like visiting Australia and not seeing a kangaroo.
“When they come to Camille’s they experience a unique aspect of New Orleans culture.”
The business is booming. Ever since Camille’s made the switch to the all-zombie wait staff in August. The eatery still receives a five-star rating in tour books – both in New Orleans and Houston.
“The service is excellent,” raves local food critic Rene Dupree.
“At many New Orleans restaurants, the servers are rude or snooty. You never see that at Camille’s. Zombies are polite and they mind their own business.”
THE HIGH DEMAND FOR ZOMBIE LABOR
While the use of zombie labor is commonplace in New Orleans, most zombies toil in the swamps or in factories. Camille’s is the first restaurant to openly hire zombies as waiters.
Augustine says that zombies first worked only behind the scenes as dishwashers.
“I am always impressed by their diligence,” the manager notes. “And I like the fact that they never give me any backchat or sass.”
By contrast, riding herd over ordinary humans, who frequently bickered with management and squabbled with each other over personal matters, was a pain.
The final straw came, the manager recalls when a catfight erupted between two waitresses. They knocked over the table of a visiting Cuban dignitary.
“That’s when I decided to recruit zombies, who are available for a dime a dozen in the country-side,” reveals Augustine.
THE ZOMBIE MYTH
Contrary to Hollywood fiction, real zombies are not vicious cannibals. Experts say the waiters are placed in a bizarre twilight state between life and death by New Orleans voodoo masters using a mysterious potion. They are to be pitied more than feared.
“But because of the stereotype, we’ve had to add a disclaimer to the menu. It assures patrons that our servers will note eat them,” the manager says. “You won’t get bitten when you are taking your bites.”
Customers agree that service at Camille’s is top-notch.
“At first when I noticed the lifeless look in my waiters’ eyes and I realized he was a zombie, I was alarmed. I almost made a run for it,” says Australian tourist, Bob Forrest.
“Then the bloke began to read off the day’s specials in a very monotone voice. It’s quite obvious he meant me no harm.
“He turned out to be a splendid waiter – I gave him a 25 percent tip.”
If you’re in New Orleans or Houston, go to Camille’s and have the thrill of being served by zombies!
Wow, just imagine!!
Clearly a fake story; no Australian ever gave anyone a 25% tip.