self-isolation Archives

CURFEW DEVASTATING VAMPIRE POPULATION!

April 9, 2020 by Dunwich Dundorfer

TOLEDO, OH – A hidden consequence of the viral outbreak that nobody is talking about is happening right underneath our noses. Vampires are silently suffering an agonizing final death as they dry up into dust and blow away, unable to nourish themselves with late night victims. “It’s been weeks since I have had a decent … READ MORE

HEARING IMPAIRED MAN WASHES HAMS!

April 8, 2020 by Brick Rivers

WHEN TOLD OF HIS MISTAKE, HE RESPONDS: “I THOUGHT IT SEEMED WEIRD…BUT, WITH TRUMP?” Police in Lemming, Arizona fielded a phone call from furloughed math teacher Ambrose Bisonette asking why he had to stay home and wash hams during his voluntary isolation. They sent a patrol car to his house. There the bandana-wearing 45-year-old was … READ MORE