NOBODY NOTICES When WEEKLY WORLD NEWS heard rumors of a gnarly monster stalking New York City, we began to investigate. Unfortunately, no New Yorkers had heard of this prehistoric creature. Finally, we were contacted by a roving mime, who said he’d seen the creature near where the old Fulton Fish Market used to be in … READ MORE
AND BOY WERE THOSE DISCIPLES A PAIN IN THE BUTT! Restaurant owner Tyler Reggie was a busboy at The Last Supper. The 55-year-old owner of the chic Miami Beach eatery Cheeky Sands was regressed through hypnotherapy to recall the historic dinner. “I was having problems getting along with the customers in my new establishment,” says … READ MORE
DISSATISFIED WITH ANY PART OF YOUR LIFE OR WORLD? JUST SUPER-SIZE IT! The largely positive reception of Zack Snyder’s director’s cut of Justice League, which reverses many of the edits of Joss Wheedon’s version and furnishes fans with a four-hour restored epic, has spurred Snyder to apply the same philosophy to other works and artifacts. … READ MORE
SUPERDAD IS BORN! It was a normal, brisk winter day at the Mifflin Street Target store in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Shoppers were coming and going as usual. One of these customers, Reginald Jenkins was there with his wife and daughter. It was soon going to be a day none of them would ever forget. “We were … READ MORE
Children’s books activate agents! A recent study has shown that some popular children’s books contain a hidden code that, if activated, can turn ordinary parents into sleeper agents. “Let me start by saying that this is implausible but true,” says Sharon Ferkins, a former librarian who now heads up the Association Against Books Containing Covert … READ MORE
HISTORIAN HAS PROOF THAT POE DABBLED IN TITTERS BEFORE TERROR! Everyone knows that Edgar Allan Poe was a master of horror, both as a tale-teller and a poet. But Professor Rufus Malady has found proof that Poe started off as a stand-up comedian and, often, fell back on it when money got tight during his … READ MORE
[Note From Editor: The following opinion by Dunwich Dundorfer and may not be held by other hatless reporters in the WWN newsroom.] I can’t take it anymore! Every time I see it in public I’m as triggered as a kid that can’t afford the Fortnite battle pass. On a good day, I am merely seething … READ MORE
A Matter of Scale! At first it looked like an ordinary lizard. “A garden lizard,” said Elaine Barrow, 13. “I see them all the time. This one had a slightly different color, more like camouflage, not green.” Barrow’s mother, Dr. Jacqueline Barrow, a noted herpetologist, came to sit next to the garden with her daughter and … READ MORE
Terrifying effigy keeps the crops safe Philip Olsen, a farmer near Galveston, Texas, saw a news report about the record-cold weather that was about to hit the Lone Star state. He wasn’t worried. More than a decade ago, when he lived and farmed in Kansas, Olsen invented what he called a “Scaresnow,” a variation on … READ MORE
“SHE’S BLOWING MY COVER!” HE EXCLAIMS Professor Emir Zolton has a problem, actually two: he’s an alien spy from the planet Javlon and he has a neighbor who won’t leave him alone. “She’s blowing my cover,” he exclaims. “I’ve taken out a restraining order and the police have been very sympathetic but this woman can … READ MORE