DUDE DATING WITH J-TRAIN: SOBER SLEEPOVERS

The J-Train is coming through and he’s got the dating advice you need!
From the long line of WWN advice columns (i.e. Dear Dotti, Ask a Chimp, etc) comes a new breed of intrepid advice giver. It’s Jared Freid aka J-Train. A frequent dater and lover…..
Dude Dating with J-Train: Sober Sleepovers and ‘Cheers’
Q. I’ve been seeing this girl for a couple of months and we’re having fun. We go out on a Thursday to get drinks and we meet up on weekends. Things are happening with my P and her V. Now she’s started asking me to get together for movies at her apartment. The problem is this: will the sober sleepover change the relationship?? – Irwin R. Shyster, Washington, DC
Hell yes. The sober sleepover is a big deal in girl world – they want sweatpants and tickle-fights and your breath to not smell like Saturday morning dragon-farts. As a guy, sure you would love to hang out with a girl on a Tuesday, maybe have some adult things happen while watching Matlock reruns; and then the next day be able to meet new girls. The problem is a girl will always see this night as a “step” because there are so many indications of domestic life: brushing your teeth together, getting into bed together, marveling at Matlock’s cleverness together (“he’s so unorthodox, yet so effective!”). Go ahead and have the sober sleepover, but know that while it may not be a big deal for you to hang out in your apartment and really do nothing, to girls it’s a cry of “Settle me down! I need you to pick out all my clothes for the rest of my life! I’m also starting a college fund tomorrow for our future children!” Ugh, good luck with that – maybe pack a flask.
Q. I take all of my first dates to the same restaurant for drinks. The wait staff is definitely starting to catch wind of what I’m doing and I’m getting a little embarrassed. Is this a good or bad idea to keep going? – Ted DiBiase, Houston, TX
I love the idea of having a “go to” bar because I love the show ‘Cheers’. I like the idea of walking into a bar that feels like home and when you open the door everyone says: “Hey Norm!” I want the Cheers bar in my life. I want the name Norm in my life. Here’s what you’ll notice about the show Cheers, they never brought a date to the bar. You know why? If I walked into a bar with a date and everyone said – “Hey Norm!” The girl I’m with would wonder if I was an alcoholic and why everyone was calling me Norm when my name is Jared. It would also get a little creepy knowing that the whole bar is sitting there, watching, and judging their friend’s first date.
I know why you do this; you want to take as many variables out of the situation as possible. The food’s decent, the wait staff is friendly, and you’re familiar with all the emergency exits in case things go badly (I’m referring to, of course, an inevitable nuclear holocaust). The reality is that no girl wants to feel like she’s being put on trial, and what does this say about your adventurous spirit? I say, always try something different – if the place sucks, it will be a test of your compatibility to rise above it’s terrible-ness and create a decent date anyway. If it doesn’t…boom, you found a new spot.
Q. I HAVE A VERY SERIOUS QUESTION! A week ago I was drunk with the guy I’m dating and gave him a BJ. Then we had a sober sleepover and I did it again and he didn’t seem like he was into it, so I stopped and asked – “WTF is up?” His response – “Ha, I just don’t typically get off from BJs.” To which I responded – “Well, you did on Saturday.” and he said “That took a lot of concentrating, I mean it’s honestly amazing, you can keep going, but I just don’t normally do this. “ So I threw my head into the pillow mortified and told him that he’s screwed up and that I don’t buy this AT ALL. Is this his way of trying to get me to have sex sooner????????????????????????? – Miss Elizabeth Savage, Norfolk, VA
Woa woa woa, now let me clear something up: I can’t stand those guys that are just so heterosexual and awesome that if they heard this, they’d say, “there’s no way I couldn’t get off from a sweet BJ, he must not be a real man.” Now, that said, I feel like there’s no way I couldn’t get off from a sweet BJ – hell, I get off from cold pizza. It’s also tough for me to understand why on earth he would want to leave the calm, non-committal waters of Lake BJ. Right now he is in a position where he hasn’t had sex with you, so there isn’t the typical commitment stigma that gets packaged with consistent sex, but he’s still getting off – that means he can end things quickly if needed, with only a modicum of guilt. This is what I call the “Dude Dating Zone”. That said, I think that there is one of three things going on here:
1. He’s trying to show off. He wants to show you how long he can last even when he’s sober. This makes me hate him…but goddamn it do I respect him.
2. That ‘sweet BJ’ wasn’t so ‘sweet’ and he’s nervous to tell you.
3. He’s one of several sex robots sent from the planet Schlong to be the best lovers this planet has ever seen and bang us all to death.
I’m hoping for #3.
You’re welcome,
Train.


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