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MICHAEL JACKSON’S FUNERAL


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LOS ANGELES, CA – Plans for Michael Jackson’s funeral have been revealed by his estate.

Michael Jackson died yesterday afternoon of a heart attack.  People all over the world mourn the loss of the King of Pop.  In cities across the globe people gathered in squares and parks with candles in hand to mournfully sing his classics like “Beat It” and “Don’t Stop till You Get Enough.”  In Utah the Salt Lake City Boys Choir did an a cappella version of “Billie Jean” that was broadcast on loudspeakers into the city and on Mormon Television Networks.

Representatives of the Jackson estate have released a statement detailing some of the plans for Mr. Jackson’s funeral.  In his will Jackson wishes for his body to be cremated and sprinkled over the surface of the moon.  However since then his finances have taken a downturn and new plans have had to be created.

A somber and respectful service will be held at an upscale funeral home in Los Angeles.  The funeral will be closed casket, with a large picture of Michael from 1982.    Seated front row will be Jackson’s ex-wife Lisa Marie Presley, the  skeleton of the Elephant Man, Bubbles 4 (the most recent pet monkey to carry the name), and Macaulay Culkin.  The remaining members of the Four Tops, The Temptations, Stevie Wonder, Diana Ross and the Supremes will all perform at the ceremony to pay their respects.  Acting as pallbearers will be the Harlem Globetrotters, who made Michael an honorary member in 1978.

President Barack Obama has expressed his sadness at the news of Jackson’s death.  In respect he held his press conference on the matter wearing one white glove.  Secret Service reports indicate he spent last night drinking scotch and moon-walking through the White House.

Sources within the intelligence community believe that Kim Jong Il may be planning a tribute concert in Pyongyang, wearing a red leather version of his standard jumpsuit.  Photographs show Kim Jong Il desperately trying to learn the dance to Thriller.

The closed casket, and other details, have raised some questions.  Yesterday afternoon also saw a flurry of strange meteorological activity over the New Mexico desert.  When asked, one source working out of Area 51 who wishes to remain anonymous said “Michael?  He not dead.  He’s just going home.”

Despite his many controversies and eccentricities the world mourns the loss of this unforgettable musical icon.

CHECK OUT Weekly World News’ extensive photo timeline of Jackson’s life.