PALO ALTO, CA – Facebook plans to sign up every person on the planet – whether they want to be on FB or not!

Mark Zuckerberg made a startling announcement today.  He plans on putting every man, woman and child on Facebook before the end of the year.   There are almost 7 billion people on the planet and Zuckerberg feels that they should ALL be on Facebook.

“This is a service I want to do for mankind.  If we can get every person on the planet on Facebook, then everyone is just one click away from everyone else,” Zuckerberg reportedly told reporters last night. “The world will literally be one.”

Zuckerberg hopes that having a “Facebook account” will be similar to being slapped on the butt when you are born.  “As soon as  a person is born, we will set up a Facebook account for them. Then they can populate their account with text, pictures, video etc., whenever and if ever they want do.  But, whether they participate fully or not, they will be on the site.”

Facebook has increased it’s storage capacity to handle every human being.  “If you are not on Facebook, then you don’t exist.  That’s what the world is coming to,”  Zuckerberg’s assistant, Wendy Lukola told WWN.

There remains strong agreement – in certain circles – that Mark Zuckerberg plans on shutting down Facebook on March 15, 2012.  This has been confirmed by many sources close to Facebook insiders.

So, why would he shut it down, if he plans on putting every human being on the planet on his site?

Reportedly, the plan is to sign everyone up and then turn over the Facebook database to the U.N. and they can they track every human on the planet.

“Mark wants to give something back to the world and leave a real legacy,” said Lukola.

Now, nobody will be able to escape Facebook.   As Zuckerberg reportedly said, “Facebook equals life.”

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  1. this guy sounds like he works for the antichrist, wonder how much the govt paid him to sell the whole world out. thats the ultimate database!

  2. Awsome, forced policy by a private entinty. What more could a person want. Soon forced commerce and forced policys, forced work policies, virtual enslavement by a virtual enity.
    Oh Forcebook so self invovled.

  3. Good, Facebook ends, Google Plus wins, and Yahoo social will be up next, who cares, good riddence, and maybe now we can get together and swim, bike, bbq, and not do it on FB!

  4. Well it's just going to ruin peoples lives… For example… everyday after work i go straight onto facebook and see what everyone else is up to as i don't have time to see anyone when i have my own business to look after… I'm not saying i don't have time for facebook… i make time for facebook as i can't see everyone i talk to everyday… Hope that makes sence to you. I also think your silly and stupid for getting rid of it as you must be making loads of money… Your well known, i'l say almost famous. why not sell it to someone else. you may feel stressed about it but someone else may not… or get a bigger team and sit back and relax… go on holiday… take a long break… if you want everyone on this planet to be on facebook before march 2012 then go and visit some people… poor people and see what they don't have and what you actually do have… stop and think… thank relax more and come back to work after a good year out… No phones or anything so no one from your facebook team can contact you and seriously relax.

    I hope that you actually read this comment… Probably a waste of time but it's worth a try!"

  5. People. This is Weekly World News. It's fake. None of the articles are true. Mark Zuckerberg isn't trying to take over the world. So calm your gullible asses down.

  6. No surprise. If there is a shadow government out there, or the NWO they would have to make any effort to have a dossier on people- the people have already done it for them just because they just had to be on FB.
    FB is evil, stay off of it.


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