Get your turkey from the store, not the streets! Believe in yourself, if you’re a psychic.
Editor@weeklyworldnews.com for all your questions. Maybe I’ll answer. You can always dream, huh?
MARRIAGE BY MANIGATOR
Dear Dotti,
I’ve HAD it with this marriage! He’s cheating on me next Thursday with a stranger he’s going to meet coming out of his doctor’s appointment for the weird thing growing on his toe that I TOLD HIM TO GET CHECKED! Finally, he’s going to the podiatrist, and THAT’S when he’ll hold the elevator door for a floozy in Crocs. Goodbye vows, hello adultery! He says I’m not being fair because I make my living as a psychic, and I shouldn’t use my gift on him. But if he wasn’t going to CHEAT, maybe I wouldn’t!!!
—Signed, I Know Who and When!
Dear You Know What With You Know Who,
You’re at the corner of denial and divorce. And in the end, you have one question to ask yourself: How good a psychic are you?
I think you know the answer. There are no hard questions, only hard consequences. Hire Manigator as your legal counsel, and he’ll take your soon-to-be ex for an arm and a leg. Literally. All he needs is an address.
—Dotti
WERETURKEY
Dear Dotti,
By day, I’m a mild-mannered accountant, but a full moon turns me into a wereturkey. Most of the year, I don’t fight it and go with the monstrous snood and wattle, feathers and the whole coop—so to speak. But this month, the full moon is four-eight hours before Thanksgiving! That’s EXACTLY WHEN people are looking for a perfect turkey for their table! I can’t get ahead of my fear. I spend the day securing my house in the hopes that my wereturkey strength won’t shred chicken wire and leave me running through the streets! My job is suffering, and so am I. HELP!
—Signed, Yes, I AM a Wereturkey!
Dear Chicken Without a Head,
Get your things in order and kiss your life good-bye. Your life in America, that is. I suggest the UK. They don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, and they are used to werewolves running around. A wereturkey in the mix won’t rock the boat. However, be warned of your were-family. Wolves like dark meat as much as any mother-in-law, though they generally skip the cranberry sauce.
—Dotti
Toodaloo.
