DENVER, CO – Richard Heene has admitted the balloon fiasco was a hoax; his child is really an alien they were trying to send home.
Last week the world watched stunned as a homemade weather balloon floated over Colorado for hours, supposedly with a six year old boy inside. Shortly after the balloon touched down the family said he had been hiding in the attic the whole time.
Authorities immediately suspected that the Heene story did not add up. “As soon as we saw the balloon up close,” said local Deputy Alex Farbingrass, “we knew there was no way a child could have flown in that thing. At least no human child anyway. Then there was the attic he said to be hiding in. That attic was 15 feet up! And the ladder weighed a ton! How would a kid get himself up there? He kept eating dog food, and that was just weird. The real kicker was when the kid admitted on national TV that it was staged. That’s when we knew something was up.”
Richard Heene has since come forward saying this was an attempt to get his alien child back home that went spiraling out of control. Richard and his wife say that young Falcon fell to earth a little over a year ago. They found him in a small crater in their back yard in his natural alien form, which resembles a large mollusk. Richard was halfway to the taxidermist when the creature finally woke up and spoke.
Falcon’s real parents are political exiles barred from entering Earth’s atmosphere. Since losing their child they have been in geosynchronous orbit over Colorado and in good contact with the Heene parents. Falcon has helped Richard with his career in storm chasing, since Richard only has a high school diploma and never really understood the science behind what he was doing.
According to Heene he had been working on a weather balloon to take the child into the upper atmosphere where his parents’ ship could pick him up undetected. While playing outside last week the other Heene children accidentally let the balloon go without Falcon in it. Richard Heene panicked and came up with the falcon story to get police away from the house so they would not see the child in alien form.
Richard Heene came clean in a press conference with his family, saying, “We are truly sorry for misleading the people of America, and the world. We hope this does not deter the producers at TLC from considering a reality show based on our wacky life. Thank you and God bless.”