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PRESIDENT OBAMA’S BIRTH CERTIFICATE


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WASHINGTON, DC – The official copy of Barack Obama’s birth certificate was stolen this week by Republicans wishing to halt his health care reform.

Since before the election there has been a great deal of speculation regarding President Obama’s birth certificate.  A growing movement among conservatives known as “Birthers” believes Barack Obama was actually born in Kenya and wants legislation passed requiring Presidents to provide an official copy of their birth certificate.

Earlier this week a group of conservatives stole the Presidents birth certificate, and are now holding it ransom to stall talks on Health Care reform.  The group stealing the certificate was lead by Florida Representative Bill Posey.  He, along with California Congressman John Campbell, led an elite squad of commandoes in a daring heist at the Honolulu hospital where the document, real or forged, was kept.

Now, with the issue of his legitimacy to be President in the hands of his opponents, Barack Obama is forced to stall on pushing forward his Health Care plan.  Republicans want the reforms watered down to more favor profit generating insurance companies.  Republicans believe that more socialized health care could lead to the unnecessary deaths of thousands of Americans every year.

The White House has refused to comment on the situation.  They won’t comment on the burglary or if the document in Republican hands is genuine.  If it is fake, or a Kenyan certificate, then Obama will have to abdicate the Presidency.  If it is real, he will likely have to suffer through criticisms of his heritage for as long as he is of African descent.

When and how Republicans will play their hand remains to be seen.  Washington insiders believe the document now rests in Dick Cheney’s man sized safe in his castle fortress, next to a jar containing Saddam Hussein’s head and indecent pictures of Margaret Thatcher.