GROUNDHOG EXECUTED

Punxsutawney Phil’s forecast for an early spring was as an epic failure.  So, he was executed this morning.

A severe cold snap is gripping the eastern U.S. with big snowstorms.  Punxsutawney Phil predicted an early spring – he was wrong.  John Hillstrom, the prosecuting attorney of  Buck County, PA , successfully sought the death penalty for the groundhog.

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He was blindfolded and shot by a firing squad.   He died instantly from six shots to the head – and one to the paw.

His family was outraged.  They pooped all over the Bucks County Courthouse.  But, they couldn’t save Phil.

It was his own fault.  On February 02,2013, at Gobbler’s Knob, Punxsutawney Phil misled Americans that the Spring would come early.  This caused untold financial distress and emotional heartache to citizens across the country.

“It was a total betrayal.  It wouldn’t be so bad if the temperatures were a little lower than Phil predicted.  But temperatures have been in the teens and there’s been four or five massive snowstorms,” said Hillstrom.  “Somebody has to pay for the damage that has been done.”

Groundhogs across the country were outraged.  They vowed to live in the shadows forever.

Phil’s ashes are being auctioned off on eBay.  At this time, there are no bidders.

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5 thoughts on “GROUNDHOG EXECUTED”

  1. I own a creamy whip stand in the midwest and I ordered 1000's of gallons of ice cream mix based on his prediction. I am about to lose my business now. Glad he's dead but I feel like I deserve reparations.

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