Oil Drill Opens Hole Into Hell

PRUDHOE BAY, AK –  Something is emerging from Hell!

That is the horrifying warning of more than 60 eyewitnesses who have seen the monstrous shape roaring out of a mile-deep Alaskan oil well amid stinking clouds of sulfur.
“If I had not seen it with my own eyes, I would not believe it,” said John Merritt, a foreman with BP, which operates the oil field.
“The giant demon head of Satan has already escaped and his body has been slowly coming out for weeks.
“White-hot flames are billowing out of the well, the skies have been darkened by strange clouds and the area is full of an evil stench so oppressive and overpowering that most people can only stand to remain there for a few minutes.”
The oil field, about 400 miles north of Fairbanks, has been ordered shut down by the government and the area has been cordoned off. Only military and clergymen who have been called in by the oil company to aid in the crisis are admitted to the area, and Alaskan officials have slapped a tight lid of secrecy over the story.
Many are looking to politicians for a response; Alaska’s reserves have been a source of this year’s presidential debates over energy independence.
Alaskan Governor and Vice-Presidential candidate Sarah Palin immediately downplayed the incident, stating, “This is nothing to worry about! It’s just the Devil playing tricks on us! He wants to see our country run out of oil, just like the terrorists. We gotta stand up for ourselves and keep on drilling!”
Delaware Senator and Vice-Presidential candidate Joe Biden was far more concerned. “I have consistently voted against exploration in the Alaskan National Wildlife Reserve, and this is the perfect example why. We don’t yet know the long-term environmental effects, let alone Biblical ones.”
As for the hole? “No one is allowed within 50 feet of the oil well,” said foreman Merritt. “We’re just waiting to see what happens next.”

14 thoughts on “Oil Drill Opens Hole Into Hell”

  1. Go Palin!!
    I heard she also support whale hunting when she found out the blubber can be turned into oil.
    Keep on drillin

  2. Palin Just doesn't get it. most of us would like to move on to other energy sources that don't cause the planet to die out. For cying out loud this is our home we are talking about. And Palin want to continue drilling and causing us to suffer high gas prices so she and the other big wigs can reap the riches of our tax dollar while we suffer a depression!
    And if we really did open a portal to hell wouldn't the smart idea be to shut the place down! seal it off and proform some sort of protective ceramony.

  3. well, my sunday school teacher told me about a story where people weredrilling for oil and put a microphone in the holeto check for oil and they heard voices down there that was like the portal to hell. peole were growning and moaning! :O

  4. I don't believe this because for me, Satan or the demon is everywhere. People shouldn't take it literally. If that's the case, then all of the quarry blasting happening around the world could have triggered Satan to go out of his shell.

  5. this is a re-do of a similar story WWN ran in the mid-80s, about a deep well in the US drilling to hell and a similar photoshopped devil in the black smoke.
    I had that hanging in my office for quite a while for the chuckle value (I work in exploration for a major oil company).
    Still would like to see that original front page article, but the archives here don't go back that far.

  6. I don't know if this is true, or not. Being a Christian, and believing in the forces of both good and evil…it is hard for me to not believe such a story might actually be possible. While such a tale shows great value to the Entertainment industry at large, it also causes society as a whole to question their most intimate beliefs about their fate when their lives come to an end. If anything good can come from a hoax, legend, or story it is to make people around the world reflect on what they believe, and perhaps re-evaluate their life choices out of fear that that there is indeed a place of eternal suffering for the damned. I won't debate the authenticity of this story, nor its impossibility. However, I do leave myself open to the possibility that such events could happen, or have happened. Having lived through many instances where I have "dodged a bullet" and am still alive, anything is possible.

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