HUNTINGTON, NY – Over the weekend oldest brother Kevin Jonas got married. At Oheka Castle in Long Island, Kevin Jonas married his hairdresser, 23 year old Danielle Delesea. Scientific investigation confirms that this Saturday’s blizzard was sent by an angry snow god trying to stop the ceremony.
Himavat, a Hindu snow god, was angered by the Jonas Brother getting married. According to theology scholars Himavat has been a rabid Jonas Brothers fan since they performed in Mumbai last spring. Researchers believe he sent the storm fearing a Yoko Ono type situation if one of the brothers got married.
Saturday’s Blizzard surprised meteorologists when it started in the Atlantic then went up the entire American Eastern Seaboard, burying cities and leaving havoc in its wake. Apparently the Jonas Brothers kept quiet about the marriage until only a few days before it happened. Knowing only the general region to look Himavat pounded the eastern seaboard, moving northward until he found ceremony in Long Island.
Kevin Jonas was married in a castle estate outside of New York City, with a magical forest themed wedding. The other brothers, also believed to be genetically engineered by Disney and share a hive mind, served as best men for the occasion. Himavat arrived just in time to see the couple declared man and wife. Mourning his lost cause, he left several ice sculptures on their lawn as a wedding present and the blizzard died out.
Despite one of their ranks being married the Jonas Brothers (scientifically referred to as Jonasai) will continue to market themselves to a preteen audience. Himavat has returned to his home atop the Himalayan mountains, binging on ice cream and Hannah Montana reruns.