The J-Train is coming through and he’s got the dating advice you need!
From the long line of WWN advice columns (i.e. Dear Dotti, Ask a Chimp, etc) comes a new breed of intrepid advice giver. It’s Jared Freid aka J-Train. A frequent dater and lover…
Dude Dating with J-Train: Lady Quick Hits Edition
I got a lot of dating questions from the Ladayyysss this week. V-Day usually brings on some foggy conditions for the future. Lets dig in:
Q. I went home with a friend of a friend like two Thursdays ago and stayed at his place. The whole night he was like – “I want to take you on a date”, which I thought was just BS but he kept saying it (even after sexual relations). Now he’s texting me with meaningless convos but hasn’t asked me out. I don’t understand taking the initiative to text me about my day but not to ask me out. Oh and also he hasn’t even late night/booty call texted since that night. What do you think his deal is? And what should my move be? – Karen Foster, Port Washington, WI
This guy’s probably casually dating someone else and on a night where they weren’t together, got lucky enough to fall into your Vagina. Good for him, good for you, too bad for his other lady. Right now he’s deciding if he wants to go through the awkward ending of a causal dating relationship (either a “talk” that feels too soon or a disappearance that seems too convenient) and pursue you; or just be happy that you and him happened and keep things going with what he’s got.
Your move is easy, if you aren’t interested, stop answering his texts, it’s a waste of time (even though I know you love the attention). If you are interested, the next time he texts, answer back with, ‘I don’t know, are you going to ask me out or what?’ He’ll appropriately feel like an idiot for being such a wimp over the whole thing, while at the same time gaining a new attraction to a confident, take charge woman. If he answers back, ‘I’m just so lonely’, then change your phone number. Change your address. Change the people you sleep with.
Q. HELP – I think I might have Asperger’s Syndrome. I’m incapable of understanding when/if a guy digs me. Does someone asking me to “hang out” mean the same thing, as “I’d like to sleep with you?” – Laura Winslow, Chicago, IL
If not understanding men’s intentions means you have Asperger’s, then every woman in the world needs immediate medical attention. And, yes, ‘we should hang out’ equals ‘I want to sleep with you’…most of the time. It can also mean, ‘we should hang out.’ The point that gets missed here is that the less you worry about it, the more he’ll want to sleep with you – otherwise your annoying nervous laughter and inclination to bump into things whenever he’s around screams desperation…and desperate women are the type to insist that their ‘shirt stays on’ during sex. If you act aloof, you seem more mysterious, less pathetic, and more, ahem, experienced. So, to answer your question: who cares?
Q. My boyfriend REALLY wanted to know how many men I’ve slept with and, after a lot of resistance, I finally gave in; now he’s hardly spoken to me for a week. I’m no slut, but I guess I wasn’t a prude either. What do I do? – Michelle Tanner, San Francisco, CA
If the number is over 50, then please don’t email me again. I don’t want my computer getting a virus. If it’s under 50, what you do is this: don’t apologize. Then, if he wants to discuss further, tell him very firmly that you will not apologize for the life you’ve led – and he can’t pick and choose what parts about you he wants to date. You see, there’s this funny desire with men: we want a virgin who’s also VERY experienced with her tongue, and for some reason we completely fail to see the contradiction in that. That person doesn’t exist (unless you do, then please, shoot me an email) so don’t apologize for not being his impossible fantasy. If he can put aside his insecurity, then he’ll understand that every experience you’ve had, sexual or otherwise, has built you into the person you are today, the person he’s currently dating. And if he can’t, dump him and go have some more weird, awesome, slutty sex.
Q. How can a girl navigate the different ways men can trick her into a date? Please advise! – Lisa Turtle, Bayside, CA
There are no tricks. Put it this way – if you give your number to a guy, he takes that as an open invitation to ask you out. Guys aren’t introducing themselves to girls to make a new friend, find a new co-worker, or find someone to watch the bachelor with that isn’t going to make out during the commercial break. You’re tricking yourself if you leave a bar saying to your friends – “I met a great guy tonight that says he loves watching ice skating. He isn’t my type, but I could see us being great friends.” That is NOT his intent. As I told the other reader, chances are good that ‘we should hang out’ means ‘I want to sleep with you’; if he asks you for a number (for whatever reason), you better give it out only if you intend on going on a date with him. Otherwise, politely decline or make up a boyfriend. And, please, do everyone in this world a favor and don’t accept more than one drink unless you plan on going out with him; otherwise I hope you enjoy that special place in hell.
Q. I’m dating a guy who always wants to stay in and cook for me. I mean it’s cute but it’s starting to get weird. Why don’t we go out? – Lizzie McGuire, Portland, OR
There’s three possibilities here:
A. He’s cheap. Cooking dinner and popping open a bottle of wine costs half as much at home as it does out on the town.
B. He has a fetish that nobody knows about and he’s embarrassed to tell people. Are you fat? Are you a midget? Are you a Dude? Look in the mirror, if you aren’t a normal cup of tea maybe he loves that particular type of tea but no one knows it.
C. Being cheap IS his fetish. Take him to Walmart and see if he gets hard.
You’re Welcome,
Train.
Do you have dating questions for J-Train? … Email me!
Follow J-Train on Twitter … http://twitter.com/#!/jtrain5
