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SANTA LOOKS 500 YEARS YOUNGER

WEEKLY WORLD NEWS EXCLUSIVE!

He looks 500 years younger! 

Old Saint Nick was working out all summer long and now looks like a fitness model. It seems that he had an extra Peloton bike laying around from last year’s Christmas inventory and he whimsically started riding it last January. 

“He hopped on one day while he was binge-watching Squid Game, and decided to keep at it” explained Sveinsson, one of his top Elf advisors. “He spends 2-3 hours a day on the bike and another 2 hours posing in front of a mirror” 

Santa Cancels Annual Meeting With The Pope.

For centuries Santa Claus would sit with the Pope in early December for a big formal dinner to discuss the upcoming Christmas season. 

“I’m not going to make the trip to the Vatican this year. All they do is serve pasta, pasta pasta – I’m not gonna risk losing my six-pack abs just to be chastised by him again this year.” Each year they would review the famous “naughty and nice” list together. Santa went on, “I know he’s old-fashioned, but someone there should be able to teach him how to do a simple Zoom meeting” and then he added “Truth be told I’m also getting a little tired of his ‘Holier Than Thou” attitude. 

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