HOLLYWOOD, CA –  Celebrities are donating their breast milk to raise money for cheese.
In the latest twist on celebrity baby bumps and the bleeding heart cause du-jour, a handful of pregnant and nursing celebrities have committed to donating their breast milk to noted New York chef Daniel Angerer to raise money for his charity ‘Cheese for Children’.
Angerer, who first raised eyebrows–and the ire of the New York Health Department–last March by making a panna cotta-style amuse-bouche with his wife’s breast milk which he served to patrons of his Chelsea restaurant ‘Klee Brasserie,’ is determined to make human breast milk cheese both an accepted and useful staple of the American diet.
‘I just feel like there’s this huge reservoir available to us,’ said Angerer when interviewed over breast milk chevre canapés at Klee. ‘I mean, it’s a food that’s organic and healthy and full of nutrients that’s not being properly utilized.’ The canapés were served with a chilled Rosé from Northern California.
‘Cheese for Children’ plans to sell the celebrity-sourced cheese on eBay, starting the auction at ten-thousand dollars per five ounces of product. They expect the winning bids to range from fifty to two-hundred-and-fifty thousand dollars depending upon the breasts the milk was drawn from. Executives at eBay are already excited about the buzz they expect from food critics, celebrity stalkers and animal rights activists, among others.
Proceeds from the auctions will be used to fit undernourished children in third-world countries with porcelain veneers. The charity’s administrator, Bob Blanco, explains, ‘If they don’t have good teeth, obviously they can’t chew solid food. We’re here to promote dental functionality so that undernourished kids worldwide can take advantage of the American surplus of hard grains and tough proteins. Like buffalo meat.’
Action film heroine Angelina Jolie was one of the first to sign on to the project, which is not surprising given her huge involvement with both charities and children. Through a spokesperson, Jolie told WWN, ‘I feel really strongly that this is a significant step in ending the crisis of world hunger.
Women everywhere should step up to the plate and give what they can. I’m still breast-feeding Shiloh, Knox and Vivienne, but I have prolific milk glands and am confident I will be able to produce more than enough milk for a village of cheese.’
Natalie Portman, pregnant and recently engaged to fellow ‘Black Swan’ actor Benjamin Millepied, also plans on donating her breast milk to the charity. A close friend of the couple, Davis Chaussures, stated via email, ‘Natalie and Benjamin are looking forward to the next phase of their lives and they want to create good in the world from the fruit of their union.’
Chef Angerer expects to list his first batch of high-end breast milk cheese on eBay as early as next week. The identity of the owner of the inaugural breasts has not yet been released to the press.

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  1. If they really cared about kids, instead of media attention, they would donate their breast milk for consumption by preterm infants whose mothers cannot produce breast milk themselves, that would make a real difference.

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