NEW YORK, NY – AIG executives are leaving the planet to avoid paying back bonuses, but Charles Grassley won’t let that stop him from getting justice.
Government and the American people are in an uproar at news that executives with the failing bank AIG have given themselves $165 million in bonuses, despite receiving a 170 billion government bailout.
Iowa Senator Charles Grassley made headlines earlier this week suggesting AIG executives should commit ritual suicide to regain their honor. President Obama is seeking legal action to have the exorbitant bonuses repaid to the American people.
However, it was revealed earlier this week that AIG actually stands for Alien Investment Group. All of the Executive level staff are fleeing the planet to avoid paying back the hefty bonuses.
Government officials are furious, but their hands are tied due to interplanetary extradition laws. Charles Grassley won’t let that stop him from getting justice.
The Republican Senator from Iowa is hunting down the alien investment bankers one by one. Armed only with a 500 year old sword and a jetpack he acquired in a no-bid contract with Halliburton, Grassley is determined to recoup the millions in bonuses for the American people.
Representatives from the Alien Investment Group have asked President Obama to call off the rogue Senator. President Obama denied any knowledge of Grassley’s whereabouts or actions.