SAN DIEGO – Passengers aboard a Carnival Cruise ship were not stranded at sea… they were abducted by aliens!

Though officials say the Carnival Splendor was stranded at sea because of an engine room fire, only Weekly World News knows the real reason:  it was captured by aliens!

According to eyewitness reports, the Carnival Splendor was nearly 200 miles off the coast of San Diego when it was abducted by UFOs.

“They came out of nowhere!” said Brandon Samulesson, a passenger aboard the Splendor and a witness to the UFO invasion. “All of a sudden these huge spaceships started flying overhead, shooting laser beams down onto the sundeck. These aliens were abducting people left and right! It was horrible!”

Claudia Sampson, a UFO researcher at the University of New Mexico said that a cruise ship is an easy target for an alien attack. “At sea, the ship has little guard against on coming attacks. It’s prime real estate for UFO invasions.”

Passengers aboard the ship were forced to live for five days without electricity, air conditioning, or flushing toilets. They survived by eating nothing but Pop-Tarts and Spam.

“My guess was that the whole thing was a cruel alien experiment,” said Dave Douglas, a passenger aboard the ship. “I think they wanted to sea how long humans could survive on nasty, prepackaged food. Well, I’ll tell you what – it wasn’t long before we were all heaving our guts overboard.”

Sources aboard the cruise ship describe the aliens as ten foot tall creatures with tentacles and fangs.

“I saw those aliens with my own eyes,” said Jack Treehorn, the ship’s captain. “They made me want to puke! Or maybe that was just the Pop Tarts and Spam I’ve been eating for the past five days.”

None of the passengers aboard the ship suffered injuries, although several cruisers were said to have been probed.

“That was the worst cruise I’ve ever been on,” said Brian Macelhose, a cruise passenger from Iowa. “There were fat, disgusting, barf-inducing creatures everywhere! And I’m not even talking about the aliens. I’m talking about the fat people on the topless deck!”

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  1. Space aliens have been abducting barbers since the 1940's. They force them to shave their heads bald, and then to show the barbers their gratitude, they boil them in bay rum, and serve them at alien feasts on beds of earthworms and guacomole on shredded lettuce. This is why there are fewer and fewer barbers these days, and it also explains why every time you see a space alien, it has a bald head.
    I'll bet that if you check, the barber that had been on this cruise ship will be missing.

  2. they just wanted to grop them.groupgrop. next they will be probing and groping in public or rather pubic. first on pasenger ships now on pasinger planes.

  3. J. B. Smitts must have a some kind of sickness of the mind; he is not distinguishing reality from creativity. That is not even half bad as believing the amount of chicken crap these kakameny stories amount to. He even dares to name the Captain's name. I sure wish he could be liable to libel and disseminating lies. It's cheap to type nonsense.

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