A monster hurricane has hit New York City!
Hurricane Sandy, which formed in the Atlantic has now hit New York. If all computer models play out and the moon is the right alignment with Venus and if President Obama is in Ohio, THEN a massive hurricane will soon flood all of New York City.
Mayor Bloomberg was quick to react,”We are banning all french fries, sodas and ice cream for the next week. We can’t evacuate fat people from Manhattan Island.”
Computer models had conjured up a storm of epic, Shakespearean proportions for the New York and now… they’ve all come true.
This storm is being called the Perfect-Perfect Storm or Double Perfect. Meteorologists across the Northeast are “giddy with excitement” because they will on camera with their apocalyptic forecasts for the next five days.
“I’m getting a new haircut, buying a new suit and working on all sorts of new graphs and models and, well, this kind of armageddon-like storms are what I live for. I love when there’s a potential catastrophic event,” said a NYC meteorologist. “My wife says I’m a lot ‘friskier’ during these storms. I love ‘em.”
President Obama was also quick to react. He reportedly said, “Look, if this storm hits New York and the Northeast a week before the elections, I think we’ll have to postpone the election until January or whenever my poll numbers go up, whichever comes first.”
Republicans are speculating at that President Obama has sent “hurricane drones” to create the monster storm. “We’re holding Congressional Hearings on the storm on Tuesday,” said Representative Issa of the House Oversight Committee.
WWN has looked that computer models. Even though we can’t read these maps, we are giving predicting that there’s a 83% chance that the storm will hit Central Park in New York City and a 100% chance that it will hit a building with the name “Trump” on it.
What some of the “experts” are predicting for the next 24 hours:
* horrific coastal flooding (exacerbated by a full moon and higher than normal tides)
* world record rainfall and damaging winds extending a few hundred miles inland – including the Washington, Baltimore and New York City regions.
* a hard drizzle in Philadelphia
This will be a historic East Coast storm. If you live on the East Coast – move. If you live on the West Coast – have a barbecue.
Of course, it may just blow over… either way, check back on WWN for the real news on Hurricane Sandy.