Hey readers, if you think I’ll care about YOUR problems, then try me at editor@weeklyworldnews.com
And if a squatter is messing with you, read on…
BANSHEES!
Dear Dotti,
My daughter has a high-pitched scream that she unleashes in public places, such as restaurants and libraries. After taking her to pediatricians and behavioral therapists with no answers, we finally found out she’s a banshee when we crossed paths with a psychic on Halloween. Where do we go to from here?
—Earplugs Aren’t Enough
Dear Uninvited to Birthday Parties,
Move over Squatter Hunters! There’s a banshee coming for a sleep-over! She’s got a singular talent and in this world of eye-crossing real estate law, sometimes a banshee is what you need to make an illegal home invader move on. So, get her cute jammies, a Demon Hunters sleeping bag and offer your services to frustrated landlords everywhere. Be sure to take her to Ireland for spring break because she should have ONE childhood friend. Another banshee will be the only one that won’t ask her to use her “inside” voice.
—Dotti
PHONE READER
Dear Dotti,
I’m having a hard time financially, so my boyfriend gave me his old phone “as a favor” but didn’t wipe it clean first. I spent the last fifty-five hours straight reading all his texts going back five years. I don’t know if it’s more annoying that he’s been hitting on everyone in the tristate area for four years and getting rejected until the day he met me, or that he was more complimentary to all the women who dumped him than he is to me! I’m about to beat him over the head with this phone!
—signed, Too-Many-Texts!
Dear Text-Tantrum,
There are two kinds of men: the ones who hand over their phone because they have nothing to hide, and the guys who hand over their phone because their real phone is in the glove compartment. I can already tell this guy isn’t the sharpest in the tristate area, as could all the women before you. So, if you REALLY want to blow your top? Check his car. The code to open the burner phone is 123456. They always remember to hide the phone, but not to change the code.
—Dotti
That’s all for this week. They say hug the people you love, well, I command you to! Toodaloo.
