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LIST OF BANNED WORDS IN NATION’S SCHOOLS


Here’s the U.S. Department of Eduction’s list of words that are now forbidden in our nation’s classrooms.

No, they are not the seven forbidden words George Carlin always talked about.

The Department of Education is waging a war on words of  all sorts, and they also want the words removed from all standardized tests.”

“These words are harmful to students and to all individuals in American society,” a spokesperson for the Department of Education reportedly said.

Fearing that certain words and topics brainwash students and make them feel “uncomfortable”,  education officials are demanding that over 50 words be removed from classrooms across America.  The changes must be in effect by September, 2012 or else offending schools will face heavy penalties.

The word “dinosaur” made the hit list because dinosaurs suggest evolution which creationists might not like. “Halloween” is targeted because it suggests paganism; a “birthday” might not be happy to all because it isn’t celebrated by Jehovah’s Witnesses.

“Republican” is banned because it is associated with “dissent” and “obstruction”, according to Department of Education sources.

Words that suggest wealth are excluded because they could make kids jealous. “Poverty” is also on the forbidden list.

“In a throwback to “Footloose,” the word “dancing” is also taboo. However, there is good news for kids that like “ballet”: The city made an exception for this form of dance.

Also banned are references to “divorce” and “disease,” because kids taking the tests may have relatives who split from spouses or are ill.

Some students think banning these words from periodic assessment tests is ridiculous.  Those students have been expelled from their schools.

A Department of Education spokesperson said, “we’re not an outlier in being politically correct. This is just making sure that test makers are sensitive in the development of their tests, and in the development of good American citizens.”

Here is the complete list of words that are banned:

Abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological)

Alcohol (beer and liquor), tobacco, or drugs

Birthday celebrations (and birthdays)

Bodily functions

Cancer (and other diseases)

Catastrophes/disasters (tsunamis and hurricanes)

Celebrities

Children dealing with serious issues

Cigarettes (and other smoking paraphernalia)

Computers in the home (acceptable in a school or library setting)

Crime

Death and disease

Divorce

Evolution

Expensive gifts, vacations, and prizes

Freedom

Gambling involving money

George Bush (both of them)

Guns

Halloween

Homelessness

Homes with swimming pools

Hunting

Jesus Christ

Junk food

Just Bieber (it’s just too much now)

In-depth discussions of sports that require prior knowledge

Loss of employment

Moses

Nuclear weapons

Occult topics (i.e. fortune-telling)

Parapsychology

Politics

Pornography

Poverty

Rap Music

Religion

Religious holidays and festivals (including but not limited to Christmas, Yom Kippur, and Ramadan)

Republican

Rich People

Rock-and-Roll music

Ronald Reagan

Running away

Sex (“oral sex” is allowed because it is not “sex”)

Slavery

Terrorism

Television and video games (excessive use)

The Bible

Traumatic material (including material that may be particularly upsetting such as animal shelters)

Vermin (rats and roaches)

Violence

War and bloodshed

Weapons (guns, knives, etc.)

Witchcraft, sorcery, etc.