ED ANGER SAYS: "DON'T EAT FIDO!"

So now the experts are telling us animals are bad for planet Earth and we need to get rid of them!
That seems pretty crazy considering that the world has ALWAYS been crawling with critters, but these professors must know best.
They’re saying our cats and dogs put out too many of those poisonous cow farts that are making pollution or making it hotter or whatever it is now. The experts say pets are worse than SUVs for the weather, because they eat so many treats.
I didn’t go to college so this is all pretty much over my head, but from what I gather, they want us to start having pet chickens instead of kitties because at least we could eat the chickens later.
Heck, I’m surprised the ChiComs haven’t protested that idea! I’m pretty sure they want the right to eat tabbies – and they own America now, so we better listen up!
I dunno: why don’t we turn it around and switch from cars back to horses then? Doesn’t that make as much sense?
You know what’s coming next? They’re gonna ban your pets!
You think old Ed is crazy, but they’ve already banned smoking and french fries and guns and perfume and everything else! You think they won’t come for Lassie and Miss Mew too? And McDonalds will start selling Kitty Burgers and who knows where it will end?
Anyway, it’s funny how all these experts who care so much about the world never take their own advice and kill themselves! Every time they breathe they’re causing pollution too – and besides, then we wouldn’t have to listen to these dolphin-hugging, tofu-munching busybodies any more!