Former Jim Jones Acolyte Now CEO of Gatorade!

In need of a leadership shift, Gatorade hired former Jim Jones acolyte Jonathan Ratliff, who not only has been working closely with Gatorade developers for the past 12 years, but also played a pivotal role in the largest mass suicide in the past 1900 years.

Middle East Aliens!

“No one would’ve believed that beneath a Middle Eastern desert extraterrestrials were conducting a vast, worldwide surveillance operation,” Israeli Army Major Joseph Dov revealed to Weekly World News. “That is, until we found them!”

To Little Fanfare, Margaret Thatcher Finally Admits To Being a Zombie

After years of being hounded by conspiracy theorists and journalists from alternative publications, reporter Michael “Skipper” Entwistle finally got Margaret Thatcher to admit she is a zombie.

Ed Anger Endorses John McCain For President!

I’m madder than A-Rod’s wife at a day-long Madonna concert. Can someone please explain to me why a Barack Obama presidency would be good for you and me? Me? I don’t get it.

Benjamin Franklin's Shocking Secret

As recounted in his memoirs, Benjamin Franklin flew a kite during a storm to prove that lightning was, in fact, electricity. However, in a newly uncovered first draft of his autobiography, Franklin recounts how he also experienced a short-lived but strange side effect from the experiment.

Global Cooling on Pluto?

Late last week, NASA received a desperate — and surprise — SOS from the planet Pluto. “They wanted us to send heat lamps immediately,” explained Communications Officer Sunny Cavalier. “They need them to combat global cooling.