OSCEOLA, FL – Manigator, the half-man half-alligator mutant, was outraged this week that his debut movie was passed over by the Golden Globes.
Last week, Golden Globe officials received a mud-stained package containing a VHS tape that smelled of stale beer. The tape contained Manigator’s first foray into the film world: Manigator Dundee.
Officials were baffled by the submission, which came in late and without any accompanying paperwork. When they finally found a VCR, the tape proved to be only a sequence of shots of the mutant leaping out and tackling horrified Australians. He then laughs drunkenly into the camera and shouts, “Criiiiiiikey!” before passing out cold.
Manigator’s anger stems mostly from his ignorance that films have to be theatrically distributed in order to qualify. Upon further investigation, Weekly World News uncovered that the “film” had only been shown a few times, when he had broken into theaters playing the movie “Australia” and swapped it out.
At a movie theater in Osceola, Florida, Manigator snuck in and held a projectionist hostage. The high school junior eventually found a way to project the VHS tape and the movie was shown to a shocked crowd of middle-aged women and one very excited twelve year old boy.
“He didn’t even have a title card or nothing. So I said ‘Dude, there’s no title card.’ He just looked at me, then leaned out of the booth and screamed ‘It’s called Manigator Dundee! MANIGATOR DUNDEEEE!’ That’s when he fell out and landed in this old lady’s lap.”
The audience quickly fled the theater.
To order a copy of the film, send $20 and some Marlboros (“whatever you’ve got”) to
Manigator
Broken down trailer next to Exit 36
Hicona, FL
The real reason this film was ignored was because he failed to mention that Swap Girl had financed this film and didn't give her credit. Also, a threat of the Zombie Twins revealing the true nature of Manigator is why he didn't get selected for an award.
True True!
It seems that EVERYBODY has superstar dreams.