HOW TO SURVIVE ANY DISASTER

Experts say you can survive any disaster – from vicious dog attacks to falling comets – by just keeping your wits.

Here are some helpful ideas on how to save your life in highly dangerous situations:

CAUGHT IN QUICKSAND

Run! But don’t panic. Rapidly transferring weight from one foot to the other will keep you from sinking. If that fails, try to swim using breaststroke or backstroke. If that fails, scream and curse. Someone will hear you. What were you doing in quicksand anyway?

VICIOUS DOG ATTACK

Smack the beast on the snout or slam your arm on the back of its jaws. Maybe give it a swift kick or two. If none of that works (and you are not being torn to shreds yet), clutch the terror’s back between your crossed legs and squeeze with all your might. Yes, that will anger the dog, but you need to get angry too! If that doesn’t work then maybe the dog attacking you has supernatural abilities or is a zombie dog, who just won’t quit.

You CAN SURVIVE AN ALIEN ABDUCTIONS

Those who have been kidnapped by ETs say the key word is cooperation. Accept the fact that they have the upper hand. Expect to be scared, expect to be given an uncomfortable physical examination. Relax. Try to enjoy it. But the good news is that there have been very few deaths at the hands of aliens. Go along to get along. Eventually, they will release you.

PICKPOCKETS AND PURSE-SNATCHERS

Keep your money in your two front pockets, never in your back pockets.. Above all, always have “mug money” ready to go. Either in a hidden spot in your wallet or in a small handbag tucked under your arm. If you have a purse or handbag. Keep it tight under your arm, and don’t swing it at the perpetrator. Not a good idea. You may want to consider carrying two handbags – one for you, one for the purse-snatcher.

FALLING COMET FRAGMENTS

Due to current astronomy technology, you’ll usually have plenty of warning about where falling comet fragments are expected to fall. Because of this, be sensible and get out of those dangerous places. If you can’t get out, look for a secure building with a strong foundation and try to get to the bottom floor. Secondly, remember, the chances of the comet pieces actually hitting you are very remote. But if you do see it coming right at you – take a moment to marvel at its beauty, before it obliterates you.

DYING OF THIRST – How to Survive

If you find yourself without of water, keep your movements to a minimum, and try not to sweat. Try to find something smooth to suck on – like a fruit pit or a pebble. This will trick your body into thinking it has more water than it does. However, your body will figure out that you have not given it water and that won’t go well. The best advice for when you don’t have water – go find water.

TORNADO OR HURRICANE

Get inside the strongest available building. Keep away from glass windows, they may shatter and injure you. Keep a good supply of freshwater stored in case the local water supply becomes cut off or contaminated. Make sure you brought an axe or a chainsaw with you in case you are buried under rubble. If you don’t have those things, make sure you have a satellite phone with you. If you don’t have that, then make sure you scream loudly when you hear anyone or anything near you.