AHMADINEJAD IS AN IMPOSTER!

At a hastily called press conference outside the United Nations, a spokeswoman for  Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad confirmed that Ahmadinejad is an imposter.  The man the world assumes to be Iran’s president is actually Pedro al Fayez, son of Columbian and Saudi Arabian parents, who run a prominent dry cleaning business on the south coast of England in Brighton.

Shock and relief was felt around the world as details of this international scandal became known.  Following a diplomatic briefing late Tuesday night, Mr. Al Fayez was spotted by a former girlfriend who just happened upon the phalanx of security.  “Pedro, where the bloody hell have you been?  Where’s your measuring tape and what’s with all the security?,” his former liaison from Brighton called out.

“Mahmoud just lost it right then and there,” a United Nations executive told WWN. “He went ashen and started to shudder and shake.  A sort of guttural gasp was heard.  It sounded something like “oh shit” and then Al Fayez broke into a hysterical sort of ‘laugh-crying’ that was halted only after a UN EMTs injection.”

Al Fayez was immediately whisked away by UN police to an unknown location for questioning.   WWN has learned through several sources that Al Fayez has been engaged in a nearly decade long “prank” spawned by a bitter, ego fueled rivalry with noted comedic actor, Sacha Baron Cohen, while he was attending Cambridge University. Ahmadinejad began to unravel after Cohen’s The Dictator came out.  “He felt like Cohen got the upper hand and that made him crazy,” a source close to Ahmadinejad said.

In late 2001, Al Fayez was working as a delivery man for a local laundry with a contract to serve several of the Cambridge dorms.   Upon entering Baron Cohen’s room, Al Fayez was barraged with racial and socio economic epithets.  The initial exchange brewed a tempest of escalating critiques flying back and forth.  Baron Cohen had already begun to develop a reputation in the region for manufacturing outrageous, highly offensive characters that he would insert into real life in an effort to hoodwink the audience.
Having brought each other to a high state of anger and frustration,  Baron Cohen threw down the gauntlet by offering to trade places with Al Fayez for a full semester if Al Fayez cold fool even one half of one percent of the rubes out there.  “Game on matey-mate-chappy-blokeroo,” they were heard to chime in unison, and Al Fayez put in place his plan to trick the entirety of Iran into believing his character was legit – a role in which he became inextricably linked for over a decade.
For indeed, Pedro had bested Borat in the century.  He became President of Iran – and a chilling 6 months shy of nukes!”
The Supreme Leader of Iran, Seyed Ali Khamenei, reacted swiftly and immediately swore-in a new “real” president of Iran. The ceremony took place via Skype and was witnessed by many diplomats at the United Nations. A shaken and increasingly dubious UN press corp was speculating widely “that Skype Khamenei sure looked a lot like Ben Bernanke.”

The Supreme Leader of Iran, Seyed Ali Khamenei, reacted swiftly and immediately swore-in a new “real” president of Iran. The ceremony took place via Skype and was witnessed by many diplomats at the United Nations. A shaken and increasingly dubious UN press corp was speculating widely “that Skype Khamenei sure looked a lot like Ben Bernanke.”

Alternative conspiracy theories also emerged, connecting the increasing religious fundamentalism in Iran the past decade, with the prevalence of burqas and other extensive religious garb with Al Fayez’s deep roots in dry cleaning and laundry.
Sacha Baron Cohen was unavailable for comment, his press secretary citing a hastily called conclave in Russia with Putin.