TRENTON, NJ – Chris Christie has decided.  He has chosen Weight Watchers over Jenny Craig!

Chris Christie decided to make his big announcement today, rather than on Wednesday as originally planned.

WWN learned early this morning that Chris Christie will not run for President.  What he wants to tell the American people is that he has chosen Weight Watchers over Jenny Craig!

The Governor was lobbied all year by both weight-loss organizations.  Tim Gunn (representing Weight Watchers) and Jason Alexander (representing Jenny Craig) both made numerous trips to the Garden State to try to convince the Governor to go with their respective organizations.  Dan Marino (representing NutriSystem) all made a pitch.

“The Governor said ‘no’ to everybody, but the nation kept demanding that he jump in.  He never wanted to go on a weight-loss program, but if the  nation wants him to lose weight, then he will do it,” said an insider very close to Christie’s refrigerator.

The Governor has repeatedly told his staff, his constituents in New Jersey and the American people, “I am not running!” but Tim Gunn has told WWN that Christie called him last night and told him the good news. “I’m picking Weight Watchers.”

Jennifer Hudson, the current spokesperson for Weight Watchers, flew to Trenton to be with Christie when he made his  announcement.  “We are glad to have him on board, and we are glad to have reinforced concrete underneath the board,” said Hudson.

Kirstie Alley, who had employed many “Scientological” methods to brainwash Christie into choosing Jenny Craig was very disappointed.

“I told him I could get him on Dancing With The Stars next year if he chose JC, and he seemed to like the idea, but then he really let me down.”  Alley said that Christie would drop immediately to lowest OT level.”

So, there it is.  Christie has made his decision, he is going to…

Go with Weight Watchers!!


  1. Dan Marino is an inspirational success story on Nutrisystem (NOT Weight Watchers) and is one of their spokespeople. This should be changed in the article to reflect the truth. Nutrisystem is truly the best 🙂


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