NEW YORK – An anonymous donor offered Derek Jeter $100 million to ditch his new Yankee deal and join the Red Sox. Jeter agreed.
The mysterious donor, whose identity remains unknown, announced this morning that he would personally pay the salary of Yankee’s shortstop if he would trade out the Yankee pinstripes for a Red Sox uniform.
According to sources, Jeter and the anonymous agent met in a secret location earlier this week to discuss contract negotiations. Also present at the meeting were Yankees owner Hal Steinbrenner, president Randy Levine, and GM Brian Cashman.
“We thought we had Jeter in the palm of our hand,” said Cashman. “But then this mysterious donor came along changed everything. Now we’re screwed.”
Desperate to entice their franchise shortstop, the New York Yankees offered Jeter a three year, $51 million contract. However, the deal doesn’t become official until Jeter passes a physical examination.
But all that changed when an anonymous financial backer entered the picture and offered Jeter $100 million to join the Boston Red Sox.
“100 million dollars is a lot of money,” said Derek Jeter in a phone interview. “With all that money, I can finally buy that warehouse to store all of my World Series rings in.”
Many sports critics feel that Derek Jeter’s skills have declined over his fifteen year stint as a New York Yankee, citing his old age and constant injuries. Still, the 36 year-old shortstop and five-time Gold Glover winner says he’s stronger than ever and is worth his $100 million price tag.
“I’m playing better now than I have in fifteen years,” said Jeter during an interview at Yankee Stadium Friday night. “Sure my hair is a little grayer and my arthritis is acting up, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be the same old Jeet. I mean, I still look good in those skin tight pants don’t I?”
While the identity of the anonymous financial backer remains uncertain sources have speculated that Stephen King, the best-selling author and noted Red Sox fan, might be the man behind the mystery.
“It makes perfect sense,” said Yankee scout Armando Ruiz. “Stephen King is rich, obnoxious, and a master of horror. But this could be the most terrifying thing he’s ever done!”
Insider sources say talks between Jeter and the mysterious agent will resume on Sunday night, when the Yankee skipper will finally decide if he’s going to play for the Red Sox next season.
So Yankees Universe, are you prepared to lose your captain to the dreaded Red Sox Nation? Well if Jeter decided to follow the money, you could be looking that this next season:
