COLLEGE FOOTBALL RANKINGS: NOTRE DAME #1

TYSONS CORNER, VA — The Fighting Irish of Notre Dame are ranked #1 in the 2010 preseason coaches’ poll.
College football fans across the country were shocked when the coaches’ poll was released today. But it appears that  coaches across the country are in unanimous agreement:  Notre Dame is going to dominate this year under new head coach, Brian Kelly.
Notre Dame got a surprising  57 of 59 possible first place votes. One first place vote went to Alabama, ranked No.2,  and the other went to Ohio State, which is ranked No. 4 .
Florida Coach, Urban Meyer, who was turned down the head coaching job at Notre Dame in 2004, said, “They have an explosive offense and a crushing defense.  It’s been a few years since we’ve seen a defense with that much talent at every position. Manti Te’o, Brian Smith, Ethan Johnson… they are all future first round draft picks.  I’m just glad we don’t have to play them this year.”
Crimson Tide fans were disappointed that they were not ranked #1, but they are anticipating playing Notre Dame in the BCS title game. Nick Saban, the coach of the Tide,  said, “We’re just gonna have to spend the season getting ready for Notre Dame. Hopefully by January we’ll be close to their level.”
There are a lot of Notre Dame haters out there who think that this coaches’ pre-season ranking is a joke, but WWN has carefully reviewed the polling results and can confirm that Notre Dame was at the top.  Mark May of ESPN, a notorious ND hater (and a closet ballerina), said, “I wont’ have much to argue with Lou about this season. They have a helluva team. I’ll be wearing green all season. Notre Dame is a great team. I love Notre Dame… I love Notre Dame.”
Former ND coaches, Lou Holtz and Ara Parseghian, believe that Brian Kelly has the skills, experience and motivational talent that is necessary to bring Notre Dame back to the top.  “He’s a proven winner, and he’s got the players he needs to bring a  national title to Notre Dame,” Coach Holtz said.
The rest of the college teams will be jockeying to be the second best in the country. There’s a lot of contenders:  Boise State, Rutgers, Virginia… they’ll all be in the hunt.   Except USC… what a shame.
Florida didn’t make the top ten for first time in several years. Texas, which announced that it has scheduled games during the regular season against Notre beginning in 2015, is ranked fifth, followed by UCLA.
When Boston College students learned of the poll, they whined and moaned, as they always do.  Witnesses said they stuck their little eagle heads into their little eagle pillows screaming “God, why didn’t you let me into Notre Dame. Why?!”   Notre Dame students in South Bend could hear their sobs.   Laughter ensued.
The coaches’ poll is part of the BCS formula used to determine its national champion.  This poll is accurate.  Read it (and weep if you must), but check back in January.
Here’s the complete rankings:.
1. Notre Dame
2. Alabama
3. Boise State
4. Ohio State
5. Texas
6. UCLA
7. TCU
8. Iowa
9. Rutgers
10. Missouri
11 Virginia Tech
12. Oregon
13. Nebraska
14. North Carolina
15. Florida State
16. Arkansas
17. Miami
18. Auburn
19. Utah
20. Virginia
21. Vanderbilt
22. Penn State
23. LSU
24. Hawaii
25. Stanford