DALLAS, TX – Secretary of Homeland Security, Janet Napolitano, announced the White House’s plan to deport 15 million Republicans to Mexico.
Many in Washington were stunned by President Obama’s decision, the first time in U.S. history that a sitting President has moved to deport legal U.S. Citizens. Senior Adviser David Axelrod spoke to Keith Olbermann, who thought the idea was “genius, you should have done this a year ago.” Axelrod explained the decision, “It is difficult for the President to get his agenda through with all these Republicans standing in his way. When we won the election we thought they would just shut up and let us clean up the mess. We’re left with no choice but to deport these Republicans, so that we can run the country the way we want.”
Napolitano said that mass deportations will start immediately and would not be limited to Arizona Republicans – though they would be the first rounded up. Governor Jan Brewer was picked up last night and driven across the border in an armored car. She was taken to Rosarito on the West Coast of Mexico – where she will be set up with a taco stand. Homeland Security has streamlined the system by seizing the records of Republican Party offices throughout the country. They will begin going door to door, randomly picking those Republican individuals (and families) that “have to go.”
Glenn Beck was taken this morning to an adobe hut in Campeche where he will continue broadcasting his show – to himself.
Once they hit the 15 million mark, the Obama Administration plans to grant citizenship to the 15 million illegal immigrants in this country. Axelrod said, “these new citizens will be registered Democrats and that will make it a lot easier for us to get our agenda passed.”
When asked about the deportations James Carville told CNN that if they came for his wife, Republican Mary Matalin, ICE was going to have some trouble. “I’ll open some cajun whoopass on those bastards.” He was also upset that he’d be out of a job. “If there’s only one party in the country, who’s gonna need political consultants?”
As of 2004 there were 55 million registered Republicans in the country. After the deportations, there still will 40 million left. “This is just the first phase of Operation So-Long-Suckers. If it goes as smoothly as we predict, we can deport another 15 million by the end of the year,” President Obama told Katie Couric, who wept with joy. “There is no other President in the history of our great nation that would the courage and strength to take the necessary steps to bring us all together. You are a God, Mr. President,” Couric told Obama. “I know,” President Obama replied.
As you would expect, most Republicans were outraged at the deportations, but Axelrod reminded them that “you smashed the car into the tree and we’ve been trying to get the car back on the road, and you want us to give you the keys back to the car, so you can smash another tree. Well, you’re not getting the keys back, you’re being sent to your room. Mexico.”
Washington insiders were not surprised that several Republicans supported the deportations: Senator Scott Brown of Massachusetts and Senators Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins of Maine. But even though they spoke in favor of the plan, President Obama is still having them deported. “They’re still Republicans. One and elephant, always an elephant.”
So,if you are a Republican, how do you protect yourself against being deported?
RUN!!!
HE ISNT BEING A PRESIDENT HE IS BEING A DICK-TATOR . JUST LIKE CASTRO. JUST BECAUES WE ARE NOT DEMOCRATIC THEN WE THE REPUBLICANS ARE GETTING TRHOWN FROM OUR OWN COUNTRY. THATS COMPLETE AND UTTER BULL**** BY ELIMINATING THE THREAT THAT HE HAS IN AMERICA HE THINKS THATS GONNA HELP HIM. AND AS FOR KATIE COURIC TELLING HIM THAT HE IS A GOD AND HIM RESPONDING " I KNOW " CAN YOU SAY ANTICHRIST. IM NOT A CHRISTIAN BUT I DO KNOW THAT HE ISNT EVEN CLOSE TO BEING A GOD. HELL HE DONT EVEN LOOK AMERICAN IF YOU ASK ME.
indeed! but its fun to read that kind of stupidity hehe =)
Is this a real person who actually believes this? It can't be haha
you are an absolute TOOL
Are you kidding me? What is wrong with you that you can't see the humor in the story? You actually think it's real?
Your are not christian. Sure. You are media savvy, Sure.
Please go to Merriam-Webster and look up these words:
Satire, Acerbic, Parody, Humor
I wish this was true.
always nice to see how cons can recognize satire when it hits them in the face….get your stuff Proud Republican….the bus is waiting, because you don't even look american to me.
Wow, YOU just showed the whole world how ignorant you really are! You should leave this country if you are really that stupid.
What does and American look like, you fool?
I vote to move Proud Republican to the head of the line. In lieu of that, just shoot him. No one can be that stupid and live.
But he is alive and that is SCARY. You know what is really scary, he/she probably is able to reproduce. OMG
First the oil spill is stopped, and now this? This is a truly great time to be alive. Of course with Glenn Beck only able to spew his hatred to himself, it could be difficult to determine who the remaining Republiklans are, since the easy way to identify them is listen to them speak. If the repeat word for word what Glenn Beck said the previous day, you know they are Republiklans. Now? I suppose you listen to their incoherent babbling until you hear words like “SOCULIZM” or “TAX CUTS” to identify these traitors to American society.
If only this were really TRUE, not made up BS…
Lets try deporting the Clown In Chief. Born in Kenya anyway. Send his ass home. If only. Communists Democrat heathens can go to Russia and be a pain in the ass to Putin.
You are a ******** ****** ******* ************.
some ones getting worked up over nothing
this has gotta be a joke…right?
I am proud to be a republican and cant wait to put some beat down on a whole lot of asss.lol
listen you can be free [republican] or you can be dem [which is you agree to let someone tell you how to live,what to say ,how to act etc….]. if your democrat, your a slave you have no rights, if your Republican, your FREE, understand the difference,understand politics, you dumb f***.
Republicans want to make your reproductive choices for you. Republicans want to tell you who you can marry. Republicans want to repeal the 14th amendment. Republicans want to amend the first amendment to protect only the Christian religion. Republicans think you should be required to pray in school. Republicans think your right of free expression should be taken away in the form of a flag desecration amendment. Republicans think you should only be allowed the right to protest in certain confined areas (Free speech zones). Republicans think the government has the right to spy, or eavesdrop, on any American they choose, without cause (PATRIOT ACT)…. etc., etc., etc.,… Who's REALLY the dumb f***, peggy?
Dumb f*****s like Peggy and the other whiny babies posting here are just SO desperate they have to stoop to any groveling level to be heard. Fact is, Dems will prevail. As long as morons like Boehner can say, "The way to get America going is to get America moving." we can feel safe. Stupidity is their motto! Every repugnant I'm related to would serve my whole family better to be booted to Mexico. Oh, how I wish it were true!! The humor in this story borders so close to 'UTOPIA' and a wish for reality, I almost teared up.
Just think if there was no more FAUX NEWS! Oh, I'm in a full blown cry now!
peggy: you could use some brushing up on YOUR english. YOU'RE not supposed to use YOUR when you mean YOU ARE. YOU'RE supposed to use YOU'RE. do you understand the difference? YOUR misuse of the word YOUR is not helping you get YOUR ideas across very effectively. YOUR is possesive, meaning something belongs to YOU. YOU'RE is a contraction of YOU and ARE and signifies that YOU'RE doing something, or that YOU'RE in some state of existence.
Speaking of dumb f***s, learn the difference between your and you're.
Hey Peggy, read Johnny's reply. The GOP idea of freedom is free if you are white, male and rich. Free to pop out a baby a year if you are female. Free to pay no taxes if you are rich, free to exploit your employees and use child labor if you are a corporation, free to marry if you are heterosexual, free to speak your mind as long as you agree with them. Free to pray if it is a good Capitalist/Baptist God you are praying to. STOP DRINKING THE KOOLAID (or is it tea these days?)!
Debbie-I borrowed your reply and posted it on facebook! loved it!
Lady, you're prpojecting. Every last one of you bagger hags says the same damn thing, over and over again. You have absolutely no basis for any of it. It's just sh*t you hear on FOX that you regurgitate, like a willing parrot. You're all uniformly thick in the head and semi-coherent. The slave is YOU, Peggy, because you're too much of an idiot to realize that when your head is up your own ass, it's pretty hard to breathe.
This article brings up so many questions.
What does Ed Anger have to say about this outrage?!
I wonder if Bat Boy is a Republican?
What about Sasquatch or the Chupacabra?
If I'm deported, then learn some Spanish, then sneak over the border, can I have my house back?
Does my dog have to be deported too or can he live with my candy-ass liberal socialist brother?
i wanna meet ur bro… pass him along!
Ed Asnew would say, Mary you know what? You got spunk. I hate spunk!
Bat Boy was the first TRS show I didn't walk out of.
Sasquatch and the Chupacabra produced the first RepugniKKKlans.
Not only can you live in your old house when you move back, I'll buy it for you and let you live in it without any appliances.
Your dog will be sent to live with a family who enjoys having a dog over for dinner sometimes.
Republican if America, should not be deported. If you are illegal you breaking the law.
If Mr. President Obama hates America, So why come here, There are other country he
could live. I sure American politics not perfect, but what he doing not good for our country.
GOD BLESS AMERICA
If you want to live in America, learn English. I don't know what language you are writing, but it is not English.
america much happier place be if americans who say Obama not citizen could speak language of country………did you drop out of 3rd grade or what? Learn the language before you accuse others of hating america, Obama didn't "come" here he always lived "here" and was "born here", Hawaii belongs to the US, in case they didn't cover that in 3rd grade.
You will never make it to heaven!!!!!!!! You aren't no better than any human.I am a us citizen and you make being a citizen a sham. A nation under god.You should be ashamed talking garbage on a president!!! Your no good for America!! Amen Read your Bible
GOP stinks! Perhaps we could trick them into going to Canada. Tell them Sarah Palin is having a special gathering to shoot moose or bears. Free Rush Limbaugh key rings. Glenn Beck is giving away gold. Then we just won't let them back in! Canadians would get mad at us, however, and want to wage war for dumping all of those crazy neocons on them!
Hey there!!! I'm Canadian and proud of it!!! I thought this whole story was funny as hell, ya'll need to lighten up…can't you see a joke when you read it?
Nice to meet you Diablo1959! YOU are a wise one. The reason the goppers are crying is because they're scared they won't get their way. When you're scared, your sense of humor doesn't kick in. When your sense of humor doesn't kick in, you say stupid things. You say stupid things when you're a GOPper… That's your answer my fine Canadian friend! Thanks for being smarter than they are! High Five!!!!
Why don't we send them to China? That's where all the jobs are now anyway. Since Republicans claim to believe in hard work and don't believe in a minimum wage, they'll be happy to live in a place where they can work 16 hours a day at 10 cents an hour.
Very funny joke, but even funnier to read the comments. Do y'all think anyone actually took the thing seriously? Can't be …. Anyone who can read and write must be smarter than that!
Special mention to Peggy Brown, who tells the joke about Democrats being the ones who try to tell us all how to live our lives. I'm sure she knows how bass-ackards that is, what with the recent government of Dubya Bush, whose Repugnican Party wants to invade every bedroom and tell everyone what to do there, and with whom to do it. And the long-standing policy of the GOP to give the "Pope" the keys to every woman's womb in America!
Thank God we've got those totalitarians out of power!
For those who cannot recognize satire. THIS IS SATIRE. I know you're confused by satire. You once thought Stephen Colbert was FOR REAL. Satire exists to prod the powerful for the amusement of the vulnerable. Republicans don't understand this, and often try to reverse the dynamic–with predicable results.
To those taking this article seriously, I would like you to go to a dictionary (if you know what that is), and look up the words "sarcasm" and "satire". 😀
I know millions of Americans join me in wishing, praying that this were true.
LOL! That's great!
Wait, there are people who actually believe this story? What the…??
I agree Abby. It's unbelievably obvious how untrue this is, yet people on this are freaking out! Kind of shows the brain capacity of the right side, doesn't it?
Only an idiot would believe this is true! I think's it hilarious, very entertaining!
harbharb, I'm with you! Better yet, We "FREE' Democrats move to Canada and leave this country to the idiot Republiklans, that are surely ruining this country, by believing the CRAP the repubs in power are feeding them……………. lots of BS and they fall, hook, line and sinker!
Bravo Frank! Great satire – I've borrowed it for my blog site – accreditation you and this site in full Sir!
Thank you!… We appreciate it. I.C.E will be at your door soon. 🙂
@Proud Republican and Doug: How many kinds of Stupid are you two anyway? Proud Republican, you must know that this is Humor and not Reality..You can't be that stupid..And Doug, you're not much better with your "Kenya" B.S.! Are you Kidding me? Are you really That brainwashed? Wow…It's hard to believe that so many people in this country actually Believe "The Glenn Beck Lobotomy" and his buddy Rush "Limbaughtomy" and Sean "Hannitosis" These people are Diseases of society..Their alarmist conspiracy theories are not in Any Way based in Fact. Sad to see that so many people in this country are too lazy to learn the facts and can't (or just Won't) THINK for THEMSELVES. Try watching something Other than FAUX NEWS…Like a REAL NEWS station or how about reading a newspaper or a BOOK? Wow, what a concept~lol!
Too funny! Ah, a girl can dream~
This is scary. If people are so unintelligent as to respond to this as if it is true, that doesn't say much for the future of America. Just to make sure, you udnerstand The Daily Show with Jon Stewart is not an actual news source correct?
This just might work out okay. If all of the republicans get deported to mex and all of the mexicans get to come to U.S. then guess who is left in Mex? Just the republicans! Mexico is not so bad. . . if you got rid of all of the Mexican mafia and drug dealers (they will all go to the States) Mexico will be a paradise! Yeah, I'm startin to think this evil plan of Obama Bin Laden just might backfire and work out well.
The only way this works out is if the mexican cantina is built at the alamo
We don't want them send them to Cuba instead!
i CAN`T WAIT, TO GO. I`LL be able to get some of our money back that was sent to mexico by all the wet backs. Just thing about it. FREE DRUGS (grown your own), there will be no problem getting rid of illegals,we will all be rich,because as republicans ,we could bring all the factories to mexico and get jobs back again. Thank you democrats. That is the smartest thing Obozo could ever do.
I savour, result in I found exactly what I was having a look for. You’ve ended my 4 day long hunt! God Bless you man. Have a great day. Bye