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SANTA GOT JACKED?!

He looks 500 years younger! 


Old Saint Nick was working out all summer long! Now he looks like a fitness model. It turns out he had an extra Peloton bike laying around from last year’s Christmas inventory. So he whimsically started riding it last January. 

“He hopped on one day while he was binge-watching Bridgerton. But he decided to keep at it” explained Sveinsson, one of his top Elf advisors. “He spends 2-3 hours a day on the bike and another 2 hours posing in front of a mirror.” 

And he’s been pumping a lot of iron. He actually has been walking around with an elf under each arm, pumping them up toward the sky. Elf-pumping has really given him some massive biceps.


Santa Cancels Annual Meeting With The Pope


For centuries, Santa Claus would sit with the Pope in early December for a big formal dinner. They’d discuss the upcoming Christmas season. “I’m not going to make the trip to the Vatican this year. All they do is serve pasta, pasta, pasta!. I’m not gonna risk losing my six-pack abs just to be chastised by him again this year.”

Each year they review the famous “naughty and nice” list together. Santa went on, “I know he’s old-fashioned. But someone there should be able to teach him how to do a simple Zoom meeting.” He added, “Truth be told I’m also getting a little tired of his ‘Holier Than Thou” attitude. 

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