VOTERS VOTE TO SUPPRESS THEIR RIGHT TO VOTE

NO VOTE FOR ME?!

The right to vote is widely considered the most essential for a democracy to survive. Tens of thousands
of people in the past have risked their lives to attain this right. Today there is a battle brewing in some
states over how and when citizens can cast their ballots.

But citizens in Last Gasp, Mississippi recently voted overwhelmingly to deny themselves the right to vote
in future elections.

By a 837 – 331 tally, the small town decreed that its residents were not informed enough to cast a
ballot.

Last Gasp Mayor Elvin Stepworth said that there were several reasons for this outcome.

“The first reason is that we are admittedly ignorant. Our local newspaper and radio station went out of
business years ago, so we don’t receive any local news, with the exception of Gertie, the town’s
homeless woman, who goes through everyone’s trash at night and by doing so learns everyone’s
secrets.

“But she’s given to fits of hallucinations, so she’s not a reliable narrator.”

Stepworth denied that Last Gasp inhabitants were shirking their civic duty.

NO INFORMATION VOTERS?!

“You have to give us credit,” Stepworth insisted. “There are a lot of ignorant folk in the world – most of
‘em, probably – who don’t know they’re ignorant. Or think that being uninformed makes them MORE
qualified to vote, for some reason – but not us folks in Last Gasp. We have the good sense to realize that
most of the time we have no idea what we’re talking about.

“So why should we inflict our ignorance on the rest of the world?”

Stepworth said that since the vote to disenfranchise themselves, things have gotten a lot more peaceful.

“In my opinion, this was the biggest benefit. Before you’d walk into Lou’s Coffee Shop in the morning
and before your bacon and eggs were set before you, you’d likely be in an argument with the guy or gal
a couple of seats away over something like if the public school should be torn down to make way for
another bar, or whether we should ban refugees from coming here even though no refugee has ever
expressed any interest in coming to Last Gasp, or whether the town should finally get internet access or
something. I mean, dumb, stupid stuff. But boy, could those conversations get heated.

“But once we voted to disenfranchise ourselves and realized there was nothin’ we could do about any of
these issues, people calmed down and just got on with their everyday business. Neighbors started
gettin’ along again.”

Stepworth thinks that maybe Last Gasp could be a model for the nation.
“If everyone voted to take away their right to vote, the world would be a friendlier place.”