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IS YOUR SPOUSE AN ALIEN?

10 WAYS TO TELL IF YOU HAVE AN EXTRATERRESTRIAL IN YOUR HOME

Many top scientists believe that aliens live secretly among us. The sneaking intergalactic travelers often pose as our friends, neighbors, and co-workers while they learn the ways of Earth. But how can you tell invading aliens from real humans?

Weekly World News has interviewed dozens of experts and conducted exhaustive research to bring you this list of the top ten ways to recognizes aliens in your midst.

  1. ALIENS often wear huge sunglasses to hide their eyes. Most aliens have large, staring eyes that are hard to conceal. Sunglasses help them appear more normal. So if your spouse is wearing sunglasses inside all the time, that might be a clue.
  2. ALIENS have cold and clammy skin. Many aliens wear synthetic skin in order to pass themselves off as human. . It’s never as warm as real skin, and it often feels “slimy” to the touch.
  3. THEY SMELL. Aliens use all manner of deodorants, perfumes, and lotions to disguise their natural scent, which is offensive to most humans.
  4. ALIENS are obsessed with technology. They spend hours on their cellphones— texting and sending emails. But they’re not conversing with anyone – they’re actually transmitting data they’ve accumulated back to their homeworld. Be suspiciousl if your spouse is spending an inordinate amount of time on their cellphones.
  5. ALIENS have strange bodily proportions. The newest breeds of aliens attempt to imitate human appearance — but they never quite get it right. They are like exaggerated ideas of human perfection. Their stomachs seem to be too flat, their chests too big, their faces wrinkle-free. Male aliens may seem to be chubby, but underneath there are six-pack abs — somewhere.
  6. ALIENS have strange diets. Aliens may not be able to digest most human foods. Because of this, they are limited in the types of foods they can eat and they may become vegetarian, vegan, or fruitarian. Watch out for spouses who eat a lot of melons — that’s an alien favorite.
  7. ALIENS dance in inhuman ways. Most alien species have a completely different physiology than ours. They have the ability to move their bodies to music in a way no ordinary human can, and this results in a dancing style that is quite breathtaking. MANY are known to twerk.
  8. ALIENS do not understand Earth’s sense of humor. Forget what you see in some films or TV. Aliens find it difficult to understand jokes, sarcasm, and general “kidding around.” Even a simple knock-knock joke can throw them completely off. They might laugh at inappropriate times like during a funeral, or a zoom meeting — or stare blankly at the funniest jokes. Remember, YOU have a great sense of humor. If your spouse isn’t laughing, they are probably an alien.
  9. ALIENS dress in oddly revealing clothes. Aliens find clothing irritates their flesh, so the less of it they wear, the more comfortable they are. They also like to keep their fake human skin exposed to air, to allow it to breathe.
  10. ALIENS ask hundreds of questions. Most aliens are on earth for research and they want to learn as much as possible about Earthlings. They’re like alien anthropologists, fascinated by human behavior and eager to study our cultures. So keep your eyes open if your spouse starts asking a lot of questions.

Next, Weekly World News will help you identify if your spouse is a Gootan or a Zeeban!

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8 thoughts on “IS YOUR SPOUSE AN ALIEN?”

  1. I find this very misleading. First, aliens aren’t real, and that’s fact. Second, any extraterrestrial life is very hard to find. I think no one would fall for this, but this is just so stupid.

    Reply
  2. I’m an alien but I do not have clammy skin I have fur and a long bushy tail. I do not have large dtaring eyes. I do not wear clothes because I have fur. I do not have strange diets. I am a carnivore but I do not eat humans. I buy my meat at the local butcher shop. And… I am friendly.

    Reply

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