FIVE WAYS TO PROTECT YOURSELF FROM LEPRECHAUN SHENANIGANS ON ST. PATRICK’S DAY!

Oh, St. Patrick’s Day is quickly approaching, and with it the love for all things Irish. Green beer, shepherd’s pie, Lucky Charms, four-leaf clovers, Leprechauns, and wishes!

But if you’re one of those people who think that you’re going to go out there and just nab one of these Leprechauns and all of your hopes and dreams are going to come true,  think again!

Over the years, there have been far fewer Leprechauns in Ireland. Not because they’re dying out, it’s because the Irish have gotten wise to their game.

For example, an Irish gentleman named Paddy McGurney caught a Leprechaun in 1845. Paddy, sick of a potato-based diet, wished that he wouldn’t have to eat potatoes all of the time. Sounds good? No, what followed was the Irish Potato Famine. No matter what you wish for, these spiteful little buggers turn it against you somehow.

So, the wee folk have decided to relocate to America and other parts of the world to continue their little scheme.

They can be fun to spot and a bit of an adventure to get but don’t let them or any other wish givers fool you. They will attempt to trick you every time. Believe me, they didn’t make all of those Leprechaun horror movies because they simply ran out of ideas. They made them because the truth is Leprechauns are devious, vengeful little creatures!

So, what do you do?

1. LAWYERS

Before you even attempt to find a Leprechaun you better start by finding a good lawyer first!  There are many law firms out there that already have pre-written contracts to protect you in case you should happen to acquire a Leprechaun (or genie or other wish givers.)

Now the law firms don’t go out of their way to advertise this service out of fear of retaliation by the Wish Giving Community. But if you go in, state your intended purpose and don’t resemble a Genie or Leprechaun, most of these firms will be more than happy to work with you in exchange for a few gold pieces.

So, here is some helpful advice if you’re out and about on St. Patrick’s day, looking for a rainbow, pot o’ gold or Leprechaun. 

2. USING ALCOHOL

You got your contract in hand, maybe even a lawyer in your party. What next?  Don’t make the mistake of being drunk! A lot of people celebrate the day by drinking green beer but don’t make that mistake. If you do, a Leprechaun could literally talk you into anything. Even sex! If that happens, you will NEVER live that down. Believe me on this.

Instead, let bottles of beer set out so that Leprechauns drink it! They’re easier to catch when they let their guard down. There’s even a story about a Leprechaun being caught from behind while taking a lengthy beer pee. If you try this method, you may want to wear some sort of rain gear.

3. CAMOUFLAGE

Showering that morning with Irish Spring soap and having Lucky Charms for breakfast will help you maintain a low profile while you’re out on your search!

The wearing of the green may be helpful in your search. Your lawyer should also dress in a similar manner. Don’t let them wear a business suit, you don’t want your personal lawyer to scare the Leprechauns away. They are not stupid! Also, the green outfits can provide good camouflage while searching within a deep forest.

4. GOOD LUCK TALISMAN

Each member of your party may also want to have a four-leaf clover, for good luck. You may want to start looking for these the day before because they can sometimes be hard to find. Also. Don’t put two regular clovers together to try to fake it, that doesn’t work.

5. HAVE FUN

Lastly, have fun! Leprechaun hunting is supposed to be a fun pastime and a traditional way to spend the holiday. Some people have taken to recording their Leprechaun catching adventures on their cell phones to upload or even live stream to YouTube. Great idea!  It also provides visual evidence in case the Wee Wish Giver tries anything with you.

If these tips help you nab a pot of gold and you want to share some of it, feel free to contact us at Weekly World News. Please do not send us any captured Leprechauns as we do not have the facilities to deal with that.