LOCH NESS MONSTER DISCOVERED — IN CONGRESS!

Elected by a landslide

But now the Loch Ness monster has been discovered in a different place entirely—the US Congress.

Scientists have revealed that Eric Golladay (R-ID), a first-term Congressman who was elected in a landslide, is actually the famous Loch Ness monster.

“He was wearing a hat, so at first it wasn’t clear,” said Lucille Jenkins, a researcher. “And his voting record was all over the place. But when we looked more closely, it was obvious.”

Tipoffs included Golladay’s forty-foot neck, the fact that he lives in deep water, and a slight brogue.

HOW LONG

The story of the discovery reads like a detective novel. Jenkins saw Golladay on television and thought he looked familiar. 

Once she developed suspicions, she went in search of Golladay’s past, and found several strange details. “His college didn’t exist, but there are several credit card bills that suggest that he’s ordering raw fish thousands at a time.”

In an election year, especially, Jenkins thinks that Golladay owes the American public the truth. “We need to trust our politicians,” she said.

NO COMMENT

Golladay could not be reached for comment.