GEORGIA HIRED THE WRONG POLL WORKERS!

Lead to to major vote count delays

Weekly World News confirmed that vote-counting delays in several Georgia election districts were the result of a hiring snafu.   

In the months leading up to the election, a personnel recruiting firm mistakenly advertised for pole workers.  Patriotic Georgians quickly inundated the firm with applications.

“We were amazed by the depth of experience we were able to tap into. Many applicants had years of direct poll experience,” said Amber McCluskey, of Catapult Recruiting based in Johns Creek, GA. “But we quickly learned of our error. In turns out that on our August Zoom meeting, our request for Poll Workers was misheard as pole workers. That’s when all the problems began.”

“As you can imagine, with so many people unable to work due to the pandemic, the exotic dancer community was all over us like fungus between your toes,” added Ms. McCluskey.  “We also had dozens of applications from utility workers. However, storm damage repairs from the hurricane season kept most line workers busy on their regular poles.”

The new workers didn’t just amaze the recruiting firm. Several voters checked in at one Athens precinct exclaiming “Luscious, what the h*ll are you doing here?!” Arguments ensued between voting spouses that did not adhere to COVID safety guidelines.

WORKING THE POLLS

Added to these distractions was the fundamental challenge of occupational training for the erroneously recruited workers. “It was a complete shock to us!”, said Bill Judge, Deputy Superintendent of Gwinnett County’s Election Bureau.  We thought we had an experienced team of poll workers. But we learned right quick that their experience came from other poles. I mean it’s sort of funny, except for the fact that their skill sets were not transferrable!”  

Mr. Judge added, “I had no doubt these people were excellent at their jobs. But it takes a calm and focused mind to be a successful poll worker – and these people were all over the place that night!”   

Roughly 27% of Georgia poll staffing was hired based on having the wrong poll experience. This contributed to the slow down in the ballot tallying process. 

There were multiple instances of these erroneous poll workers having difficulty seeing the ballots. This was due to their substantial endowments obscuring their view.  Co-workers also complained of these misfit-workers being unable to sit still in their chairs. There were reports of several pole workers climbing to the top of the gymnasium ceiling and sliding down the columns.

Governor Brian Kemp was pragmatic about the issue, “Our Democracy is strong. We got through this even though it took a little more time.  What we had to endure in delays was made up by the strong bi-partisan response from poll watchers.”

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