ABE LINCOLN WAS OBSESSED WITH MAYONNAISE!

New study shows it had THE PRESIDENT at death’s door!

Inspires the start of the MAYO CLINIC

Groundbreaking new research reveals that Lincoln’s arteries were so clogged with cholesterol he probably would’ve died soon after his fateful night at the theatre on April 14, 1865. Apparently, Honest Abe had been eating mayonnaise with almost every meal since he was a toddler.

“He grew up dirt poor, with only chickens on his family’s modest farm. Of course, eggs are the main ingredient in mayo,” said Pulitzer Prize-winning historian Doris Kearns Goodwin. “He’d often spread mayonnaise on tree bark as he walked 10 miles to school. Even with all that daily exercise, his arteries started getting clogged.”

BATHING IN MAYO

Once he became President, Lincoln immediately ordered the White House Staff to fill his bathtub with mayo. He’d wake up and climb in his tub for a soak every morning. This was before electricity so the mayo would spoil after a few hours. Abe wanted to stay in much longer. If the mayo didn’t go bad, it would have been tough getting Abe out of the tub.

“I don’t care how much it costs, it calms me down. I’m the President. I have this damn Civil War on my hands and I need my mayo. I want my mayo!” Lincoln reportedly shouted throughout the White House corridors.

Lincoln’s mayo fascination had been rumored for many years. It has often been the clue or the answer on many game shows – like JEOPARDY and PASSWORD.  

A MYTH? WAS LINCOLN’S BODY EMBALMED OR NOT?

Many believe Abe Lincoln was one of the first to have his body chemically preserved so that dignitaries would be able to pay their respects. However, this has now been proven to be a myth.

“Lincoln’s body was so clogged with mayo that he didn’t even need to be embalmed. In fact, it was this discovery of ‘mayo-clogging’ that inspired the embalming industry,” says Mary LaMorte, President of the National Embalmers Union.

DID HIS CLOGGED HEAD SAVE LIVES THAT FATAL NIGHT?

Although the science of ballistics was archaic back in 1865, there is substantial proof that the bullets that killed Lincoln got lodged in his head, stuck in mayo. The good news is that they did not exit his head and kill others in the theatre.

“Lincoln’s head was filled with nothing but mayonnaise and bullets that night,” said his personal doctor at the time, Ludwig Scheitzel, MD. “There’s no doubt his condiment obsession saved a few lives. If he was into soy sauce or mustard it would have been much worse.”

After Lincoln’s death, Dr. Scheitzel became obsessed with mayonnaise himself. He loved it so much he changed his last name to Mayo and founded a medical clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

The Mayo Clinic has proven to be a real honor for Abe Lincoln. Every year on Lincoln’s birthday the staff eats nothing but mayonnaise, while the Chief Surgeon spends the day in a big vat of mayo.