GHOST-B-GONE

New aerosol spray eliminates demons, ghosts & ghouls!

Pesky demons, devils, ghosts, and ghouls will head for the hills and never come back. All you have to do is hit them with Spook Spurn! It’s the exciting new aerosol spray that savvy marketers call “Exorcist in a Can.”

“It really works,” gushes Marlon Brattleborough, chief marketing officer of Spook Spurn Inc., which is based in New Orleans.

“And you can buy it in three air-freshening scents – pine crest, spring garden, and seashore mist.

“If you’re plagued with relatives who are possessed by Satan. Or if you just have a few uninvited ghosts or goblins you want to clear out of the house, Spook Spurn is for you. Why waste time and money and jeopardize your children by calling in a priest?

“Just hit them with Spook Spurn and they’ll vamoose, often after a single application.

“And if you keep spraying Spook Spurn on a daily basis, the ghouls will never come back.”

Brattleborough says the product contains a devil-busting array of herb and spices. It also includes a secret ingredient that witch doctors and voodoo priests have used to repel demons and evil spirits for hundreds of years.

“The product is guaranteed to be safe and effective,” he adds. And just $19.95 per can, the price is a steal.

CLINICAL TRIAL

Marge T. is one of 50 people who chose to test the spray in trials that began in January. She says a trio of trespassing ghosts “stunk me out for several years”. That was until they got a blast of Spook Spurn.

“I tried exorcists,” she explains. “And I tried chasing them out with rosary beads and flaming cross. I threw toilet water on them and cat poop. At night, I bombarded them with heavy metal music and I played cartoons all day long.

“Nothing worked until I sprayed them with Spook Spurn. For the first time in years, I can now have friends over to my house. And I don’t have to walk around with a clothespin on my nose anymore.

“Thank you, Spook Spurn. You changed my life.”

SPOOK SPURN SAVES!

Peter G. says his geezer dad was possessed by “an extremely nasty demon” for six months. Then Spook Spurn came to the rescue.

“We’d be sitting around watching TV or eating diner and Dad’s head would start spinning,” he recalls with a shudder.

“And the projectile vomiting was out of control – you ought to see my walls and curtains.

“I tried to get an exorcist to help. But he wouldn’t even drive out to the house unless I gorked over $5,000 donation to his church. I couldn’t afford to spend that kind of money on Dad.

“Thank God I could afford the free can of Spook Spurn. They gave it to me for participating in the marketing and effectiveness trials.

“At first I didn’t think it was going to work. The directions say that most demons will scram with a single spray, but I had to zap Dad six times before the devil finally set him free.

“But all the hard work was worth it. Now, instead of being possessed by a demon. Dad is just like another senile old fool. He dodders around and can’t remember my name half the time.

“But that’s better than vomit on the curtains or trying to hold a conversation with his head spinning around like a fidget spinner.”

COMING SOON TO A SUPERMARKET NEAR YOU!

Marketing. boss Brattleborough says Spook Spurn has passed muster with the FDA. He estimates it will be on supermarket shelves as early as August.

“if you don’t need Spook Spurn now, rest assured, one day you will,” he says. “Whenever somebody uses a can to rid their home of trouble, that ghost has got to find someone else to torment.

“Sooner or later, it’s clear – you’ll be chosen.”

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